blowjob • 5sos

28

|Halyn|

I was released from the hospital yesterday after Michael left.

I expected to feel lighter after telling him we couldn't be together.

Instead, it just hurts.

I know it'll get easier, everything gets better with time, right? I can fall out of whatever trap he put me in, I can.

So far, all that means is that I've been listening to the 1975's I like it when you sleep for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it and crying. (this is actually me)

Loving Someone... I should be loving someone...

But it's better if I don't, because remember that you'll never do that right...

What is love, anyway? Surely I'm too young to feel it, surely it's been too little time.

Love is a kids story, it's not real. Love is a story that only ends in sadness. They end with the words "happily ever after" instead of the reality of a lost connection and infidelity, the use of intoxicating substances because you can no longer intoxicate each other.

All the touches that once set a fever inside you fall dormant, and all you feel is numb. Pulsing underneath your skin, a distinct beat of how things should be different.

If I could feel the rush of adrenaline from Michael now, it meant that later on, everything would have to calm down, and all the endorphins would slow.

I couldn't consistently love anyone, because love can't last.

I press the only contact in my phone that will make me feel better.

Ash.

"Ashton. I'm coming over. See you in 5," I say into the receiver the second he picks up. I don't give him time to respond, I just end the call and put on my slippers. I've decided that it is socially acceptable to walk over to Ash's house in my neighborhood in slippers, tall socks, and a huge old jumper of Ash's while carrying a bag filled with gallons of ice cream and a cup of tea.

When I make it to his house, I grab the spare key from under the mat and let myself in and grab two spoons from the kitchen. After a quick smile at Anne and Lauren, I go up to Ashton's room.

"Ashton, I messed up," I tell him, walking in. Ashton, who's cuddled up under his duvet and slightly poking out to be on his laptop, rolls his eyes.

"Well, I--"

"Shush, what I did was probably worse," I say, getting in bed next to him. I hand him a spoon and open the lid of the mint chocolate.

"No, Halyn, I--"

"Michael told me he loved me and I said 'I like you as a friend but not like that' and 'I don't love you, you should go,' oh my gosh I'm such a bitch--"

"I called Luke 'baby boy' and then he was making out with Michael and then I called him a slut," Ashton replies, interrupting me just like I did to him.

"Well shit," I respond. Michael made out with Luke? I guess it was a good thing I told him I didn't love him, then. He obviously is over me. I deserve to be sad, anyway. I take a bigger spoon of ice cream. "Wait--are you and Luke, like, a thing?"

"I think I'm falling in love with him," he admits. Oh. My. Goodness. I missed a lot.

"Then why are you here, talking to me? You should go get your man back and have make up sex," I tell him, rubbing his back as he shovels peanut butter chocolate ice cream into his mouth. He groans.

"But, I called him a slut! And plus, he's a virgin, not to mention a minor, I can't--" I cut off Ashton quickly.

"The legal age of consent in Australia is 16, bub, check your facts," I tell him. "Technically, you could totally get in that--"

"HALYN!"

"Hey, I know you would top, daddy," I tell him, poking his side as he hides his face in the blankets.

"So many of the regrets..." He mumbles. "Can we watch Netflix and eat this ice cream without anymore boy talk? I'm kind of done with it."

I nod in agreement.

"American Horror Story marathon it is."