blowjob • 5sos

25

|Ashton|

Why the hell would Luke kiss Michael? I don't understand why this is getting me so angry. Maybe its because I just think of my poor, sweet Lukey trying to kiss a guy who would be so so wrong for him. I mean, no offense to Michael, but I know that he would drop Luke in no time if he had a chance with Halyn...

Speaking of, why would Luke make out with Michael, a guy who's completely head over heels for someone else-- my best friend?

None of this shit makes sense any more.

My mind keeps wandering to Luke, how he looked with his hands on stupid Michael's waist, how he was leaned forward and his lips parted, how Michael was the one who got to straddle his perfect skinny-jean clad thighs, how Michael made him flush an adorable shade of pink and how Luke turned from almost flirting with me to making out with one of my friends.

I can't believe he had the audacity to be such a... such a, I dunno, fuckboy? Whore? I mean, he acted all cute and I even slipped up calling him baby boy because he was being so perfect, such cute little bottom material. But he was kissing Clifford when I came back, not me. Probably because I'm a fucking coward. I thought Lu was straight.

I think for a moment about how Luke looked so crushed when I called him a slut.

I should've controlled myself.

I'm parked in some random shopping center parking lot. I had been driving home until I noticed that I was bawling my eyes out. Realizing faintly that I was in no condition to be driving, I pulled in here. I'm slumped in the driver's seat, shaking.

I'm so stupid.

My phone buzzes, but I don't check the message. Instead, I open it to my home screen without looking and throw it into the passengers seat, letting out a scream of frustration.

"Fucking stupid, fuck fuck fuck fuck," I yell, slamming my hands into the steering wheel. I cry harder, sniffling and no doubt having snot drip down my face. Unattractive crying, because of how much I'm hating myself right now.

"Ashton, you fucking idiot," I groan.

"Why the fuck would I call Lu that? He's the farthest thing from a slut... he's cute, he's funny and spontaneous and even sexy, oh god, that lip ring makes me want to-- fuck, he's fucking perfect," I say to myself, because it's the truth.

"I am the biggest idiot in the history of idiots---oh fuck, he's going to hate me." Luke would never want to ever be friends with me after how I reacted to him kissing Michael. I hate that he did. I hate that he made me like him.

"oh shit," I say, having a small moment of clarity. "holy fucking shit, I'm so screwed." I bang my head against the steering wheel, folding in on myself in panic. My tears slow a bit.

"I fucking like him. Fuck, Lu, baby boy. Why would you make me like you? I'm falling and I don't have anyone to catch me," I say to myself. I start to whisper. "Baby boy, you'll ruin me."

I don't hear the click of my phone call ending. Instead, I hear the roar of the car's engine as I fire it up. I'm going to go to Calum's. He's the only one I think I have that's not hospitalized or fucking with my crush.

I end up in front of his house, but I don't go in. Only one of the Hood's cars are parked in the driveway.

Cal is probably still at practice, it's 5:07.

I'll ring him tomorrow, didn't he have that family thing later, anyways?

So I twist the key in the ignition and head home, thoughts of a certain fair-skinned, blue-eyed, blond plaguing my head.

Luke.