Words on Memories

Chapter 2

'Hey! Wake up!' Alana snapped her fingers in front of my face, waking me up from my reverie.

'What?' I hissed.

Alana smiled weakly. 'You know, next time you drift off in your own thoughts; carry me along with you. I'm a lightweight, you know?'

'I can always try.' I smiled back.

'You okay?' Alana asked, watching my smile fade away as it came.

'Yeah.'

'Hey, I'm there for you. I can always help you. I know what you're going through. One day, we will be content. One day we will be fine. I promise.' Alana squeezed my hand lightly. I so wanted to believe her and take everything she said deep with me, But I knew I couldn't.

'I hope they all know what they are doing.' I said quietly.

The rest of the day went in a slow, deliberate motion. I just wanted it to end. End fast or just carry on faster. I didn't even want to try how life goes. I am pissed off every now and then. I had faith in hope before. Now I lost the remaining of the only one thing I had.

Once I got home, I went to my room. I never bothered to talk to anyone anymore. I slunk onto my chair, growing more and more tired to life.

You know what? I'm changing this. I'm changing everything. Its time I move on. I move on from the haunting pasts and be myself. Make myself happy.

'Ash?' a small hand opened the door and a baby voice spoke, 'Ash?'

My face broke into a grin when my four-year old sister ran in and jumped into my lap, giggling as she hugged me.

I embraced her back and I dug my face into Aubrey's soft brown curls.

'You're home!' Aubrey said, in her usual, buttery soft voice that could melt anyone.

Aubrey was my sister and my most favorite person.

'So, what did ya do today?' Aubrey asked, giggling.

I laughed. 'Oh! I did nothing, Bri! It's the same boring school.'

Aubrey smiled with me.

I looked above Bri's head to see our mom stand on the door frame, smiling at her two girls.

Mom saw me and asked, 'You hungry?'

'No, I'm fine.' I said.

'Can we go to the park, Ash?? Please?' Bri pleaded me.

I laughed. When did she not want to go to the park?

'Right after I finish my school work, we can. Okay?' I said.

'Okay!' Bri said as she jumped off from my lap and went to mom's arms. She pointed her finger at me and said, 'Fast.'

Once they left, I again began to feel depressed and dull.

Dad left us; forever. I was afraid of loving anything now. I was afraid of losing my loved ones. The only reason mom didn't break was because of us. Mom was always quiet and loving. She missed dad the most. But she never ever broke into a tear when he left us from the world. She would only cry at night, when there was no one to see her. But I always heard mom cry and never actually wanted to show mom that I did.

I hated to cry in front of others. It was clear proof that I was weak.

Sometimes, I regret being nice, apologizing when I didn't do anything wrong, and for making unworthy people a priority in my life.

This was the lesson that I learnt in life.

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart,

But dismiss your fears,

Get over your hill, and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."

I remembered dad's voice. Two drops of tears welled down my cheeks.

I quickly wiped them away.