learning to love again

chapter 19: feelings

Ally's POV

it was tuesday afternoon, and I was walking home from school.

by myself, I haven't talked to austin at all for the past 3 days.

I didn't know what to say to him.

but I wanted to talk to him.

him & dez haven't sat next to me & trish, I think dez knew but I haven't told trish.

I sighed as I unlocked my front door, and walked inside.

I went upstairs, trying hard not to think about saturday night.

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I woke up to my dad calling me.

"ally! you have a visitor!" my dad called from downstairs, and I wondered who it could be.

I trotted down the stairs, and the person visiting made my heart ache.

I froze, not knowing what to expect.

I haven't seen him around school.

his hair was a mess and he had dark bags under his eyes.

"you've been avoiding me." he said, and my dad left the room.

"I don't know what to say to you after you left me that night." I said, and his eyes seemed to flicker with sadness for a moment.

"I know..." he said, and he turned away to the door.

"austin...wait." I said, and before opening the door to leave, he looked back to me.

"let's go for a walk." it's been so rainy and cloudy in miami lately, it's ridiculous.

we were walking outside in the rain, not saying anything.

we were going wherever we like.

I tried to think about what to say to the blonde haired boy next to me.

I wanted things to be simple but it obviously won't turn out that way.

we were now at a park, walking around in the rain.

like the day where I left school early...the day after my alcohol poisoning.

I took a deep breath, before opening my mouth to finally confess.

I stopped him from walking, and looked at him.

"every time I told you I was fine when you asked if I was okay. you didn't know what you were getting yourself into...but you're still here in front of me. I told you that I was okay so you'd stop talking to me. leave me alone. but no you're still right here in front of me." he looked at me with disappointed eyes.

but I continued talking.

"and now I can't get you out of my fucking head."

his eyes widened, and then softened.

"ally..." he said, and I waited. I waited for what he had to say.

I basically just confess that I think about him, and he can't connect the dots.

he stands there in shock.

"you know what...forget it." I said, walking away.

I felt my heart aching, as I turned my back on him.

his warm hand then took mine, and I froze, looking back at him.

my heart beaded faster, as I thought he was gonna say something back, but no. still nothing came from his mouth.