Confessions

Confession #77

Confession #77: I'm imperfect but I'm perfectly fine with that.

So I know I told you guys how I let my own cat out of the bag haha. Although times have been rough, since my mom continues to tell me "I can't trust you anymore and it's a sad thing" (I get where she's coming from) Through these tough days, I've learnt how to just accept myself in this situation. And I'm proud of myself for that. Although my parents aren't completely over it, I am and that's what matters to me. I am on fall break and I've been taking a break and taking deep breaths to steady myself. And now I know it's time to change. If I want to make the most of robotics this year, I need to show that I am responsible. I need to show the fact that my grades are great, I am responsible and I have the right mindset. It's now or never.

SO now I'm working on myself. I have many flaws and I'm going to work on them. I wrote a list of steps corresponding each flaw I've done. I know that lying is a repeated mistake that has caused my loss of trust with my parents. I"m going to change that. Feel free to leave you steps in the comments below or use this technique if you want :)

So for now, I know that the first step I must take is become closer to my faith.  I have been away from my faith and have continued to lie and say that I have prayed when really, I was too upset too, or just didn't feel like it.

So that is my first step.

1. Start praying and reading a Quran

In order to complete this task I must be able to do this for a month STRAIGHT if I can't do it for a month straight, I will have to start over again.

My second thing (which is something I'm doing for now) is to write up a new schedule. This new schedule will implement my new responsibilities (the ones I have been denying to take) Things like cleaning the living room, vacuuming, keeping my room all tidy, cleaning my bathrooms on time, maintaining my grades, and even extra chores. Helping around the house will help show my responsibility around my house, making my parents slowly accepting the new change.

So ON TO STEP 3....

3. I will follow my mom's orders, no matter how absurd. From now on. 

I know my mom gets strict with dress codes, and I know she freaks about things too much and sometimes requests too much to wear, but if I follow her instructions, without groaning, she will notice the results. She will see that Taz is becoming the daughter she wanted. This task will take a while and I need to remind myself to do it everyday.

ON TO STEP 4

4. Work on not lying.

This step is going to have a series of substeps. These substeps have not been determined yet. However, I know that they are going to be babysteps. Lying has always been a HUGE habit of mine; the reason for all of of my screwed upness. This is going to take a while. But I'm going to make sure I get there. No matter what, if I fail, I start over. I can't let go this time. I must keep on going keep on fighting this battle of lying

I know why I do it. To keep myself sheilded from pain, from being scolded, but, when it's revealed, it hurts ppl's trust TEN TIMES MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. It has been my biggest regret. I will let you know what my substeps are when I have figured them out. For now, these are the things I will be working on, along with grades, robotics,parents, and friends.

Those who want to change, change now. 

"The time is always right to do what is right."- MLK JR

I will be here with you guys. Let's change together.

Love,

Taz xx