Confessions

Confession #45

Confession #45: Accepting myself is always hard. But when I do, I feel happy.

Well, I kinda accepted myself. I took care of my problems, tried pulling my shit together, and just accepting my small insecurites. With each step and day, I'm getting better. But as always there will always be roadblocks that will tear me down. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of getting pressured. I'm tired of getting told and getting controlled of everything.

I"m sort of okay with myself right now. I missed one question on my vocab test and I feel generally so happy. I need to study for my biology quiz, finish my math homework, and do english homework.

Honestly, I feel in the middle. Sometimes my decisions seem so wrong and right at the same time. But the key thing is to do what you want and to not feel any regrets. So I'm doing that, and I'm taking every possible chance there is. I feel like I need someone to give me a chance. No one has. If someone did, then I would have more confidence in me.

I just literally want someone to tell me lies. Tell me lies like you are awesome, you are amazing, all of those crap. Those lies, I believe in them, and later those lies become truth, until someone knocks it down.

Right now I"m kinda feeling really happy and really sad at the same time. I don't know how that works exactly xD All I know is that I'm being pulled into both darkness and light at the same time. But at the same time, I feel a stronger pull on the lighter side. (because they have cookies and juice jkjk xD)

But all jokes aside, I know that I gotta love myself. That is something that I just not have been doing. I need that confidence to help me with self esteem. 

I"m so fucked up man, words can't descirbe how mentally fucked up I am.

But it'll be okay. At least I think so. #stayingstrong

Well I should start doing homework and chill and relax.

But first.....

Dear me,

You are amazing. I love you. Yeah, we have some battles with the mirror, but guess what? You are strong enough to fight those battles and go on throughout your day. I love you. Your brain and positivity and optimism is so strong so fresh, that I admire and adore it so much. PLEASE don't leave this lovely body and personality. You are worth it I promise. I mean come on! You are more than just a girl. Everyone is. Smile baby girl because you look amazing in it. I love you, and I cannot stress that enough.

With lots of infinite love, (and cookies),

Taz <3 

There. That had to be done so that I feel a little better. Know I do feel a little better. Those reading this should do that as well. It kinda helps. Try to pull out the positivity that is buried underneath the negativity.