When you wish upon a star

Chapter 5

Kelly's POV~

I jumped out of the van before everyone else and walked quickly to the front door.
"Aways so eager to get back to her wifi." my mom muttered and rolled her eyes when i practically ran to my room when she unlocked the front door.
"Don't get settled too fast! i'm making pizza for dinner!" i heard my dad shout from the hallway when i flopped down on my bed.
"Yeah okay, dad." I sighed and propped my pillows up against the wall under my window.
For a while, or maybe a few minutes, i don't know, i sat there staring at the ceiling and listening to the hum of country life.
Its a lot louder than one would think.
Crickets, cars going fast because they think they can get away with it on a back road, people shouting, (voices carry a hell of a lot farther when the land is flat and there are no tall buildings blocking the way) animals crashing through bushes... the list goes on.
Its actually quite calming to listen to.
I think so anyway.
I stood up on my mattress and opened my window then say back down again.
That way the sounds of the country drowned out the sounds of my family.
I had sharp hearing so their voices seemed a lot louder than they may have to someone else.
I think this may be one of the reasons i get annoyed with them so easily.
If i stopped listening to the sounds coming in the window i could hear every word said outside my bedroom door.
"Mom, should i go get K for dinner?" first my brother.
"No. just wait till the last minute. she never wants to spend time with us anyway." then came my mother's reply.
"Why is K always so grumpy?" i wanted to scream telling my brother i wasn't just grumpy, there were a whole host of problems. but i kept my mouth shut.
"Oh you know, thats how teenagers are. plus she's a girl. we can be more emotional depending on what time of month it is." my mom's laughing response was so wrong it made me want to impale everyone on flagpoles.
How could they not see? I wondered.
And then i remembered that i kept everything bottled up and barely let on that something was wrong because if i did they would go about all the wrong ways as to helping me. plus i would most likely get in trouble for hiding so much shit from my parents.
The only person who even knew i had gone as far as cutting my hips a few times was an internet friend i hadn't talked to in over a month.
And the only person who knew as much as to be able to say i was at least unhappy had enough problems to deal with so i wouldn't dare bother her now.
I checked my ipod to see if i had gotten any messages, nothing. as usual.
I thought of the little blades in my dresser drawer. i hadn't had them out in two weeks.
But adding physical pain to my mental pain wouldn't help anything. would it? i decided not to bring them out now in case my family walked in telling me to 'emerge from my cave for dinner'. another thing i hated about being home was the fact that my bedroom door had no lock.
"I've got nothing to do and too much time to do it in." i sighed and leaned my head against the window frame.
"Maybe if i had someone to share my time with..." i shook my head slowly and let a tear roll down my cheek.
"But that'll never happen." i reminded myself.
The silent chirping sounds of the night seemed to whir in agreement to my statement.
I drew my knees up to my chest and started silently sobbing.
Forgetting i had makeup on so to anyone who could have walked in it would have looked like i had zebra striped cheeks.
I couldn't let my family see me like this so i carefully climbed out my window and sat beneath it in the grass.
Again i drew my knees up against my chest and rested my forehead on them.
"Why do i have to be so worthless to everyone?" i gasped between sobs.
No answer except for the soft sound of wind in the trees.
"I just want to be someone's favorite!" i gritted my teeth and knotted my fists up in my hair.
I was barely aware of how terrible i was going to look and how hard it would be to make myself look decent before dinner.
I started shaking and looked up at the stars.
So bright and beautiful in contrast to the terrible world we lived in.
I saw a shooting star and for some reason thought of the gentleman at the festival earlier that day.
'Remember to keep wishing!' he'd told me.
"Wishing on what?" i sighed. "a fucking star?" but what else did i have left.
My hope had run dry and i really didn't know what happiness felt like anymore.
"I wish..." i muttered, still looking up at the stars.
"I wish..." what did i wish?
To be loved?
To be happy?
To be someone's favorite?
To feel like i was worth something?
"I wish..." i paused to gasp as a river of tears came down my cheeks again.
"I wish i was loved." i whispered...