When you wish upon a star

Chapter 2

I opened one eye when i felt the car drive onto the bumpy festival grounds.
I lifted my ipod up and clicked the power button to check the time.
"We have ten minutes to get across the entire festival and enter Ron in his competition." i yelled towards the front of his car.
"I know!" my mom snapped and slammed on the brakes as we pulled into a parking spot.
"Just thought i'd let y'all know." i muttered as i climbed out the side door of our van.
The sun was high in the sky and already beginning to melt me where i stood.
"This is gonna be great." I whispered sarcastically and wiped the sweat from my face. being careful to not mess up my makeup.
"Come on!" my dad shouted and we started walking into the actual happenings of the festival.
As usual i walked behind my family. they didn't talk to me and probably would not have noticed if i ducked away from them.
But i didn't feel like getting in trouble today so i stayed.
I remember coming to this festival every year we'd lived in the state.
As a small child i looked forward to it all summer and thoroughly enjoyed going.
But now it wasn't the same.
Everything was expensive and i understood that.
It was always hot.
And there were so many people.
I hate people.
And the barns had a whole host of reasons to dislike the festival.
Maybe one day i would enjoy it again.
For now i was having enough trouble figuring out what happiness was and whether or not i even knew what it felt like.
My mother's voice snapped me from my thoughts and i pulled one earbud out to listen to her.
"What?" i asked.
"For the third time Kelly, Ron's lego competition is started do you want to stay here and watch him or walk around the fair with your father and I?" she sighed. obviously annoyed with me.
She seemed to never have a moment where she wasn't annoyed with me.
"I'll just sit in the bleachers and watch." i shrugged.
"Okay. we'll be back around the time it's scheduled to end." she said and kissed my cheek.
"Don't get into trouble." she added before walking away.
"I won't, mom." i rolled my eyes and went to an empty enough spot on the bleachers where i could lay down.
I should have been excited for my brother but i was not. I felt bad about that.
But it wasn't anything against him.
I just never seemed to be excited about anything anymore no matter how much i tried.
They say its a major symptom of depression.
But i've got no reason to be depressed right?
I mean i've never seen a therapist, never been on meds, none of the stuff that classifies one as clinically depressed.
So i'm not depressed right?
I feel like i am. but i've never told anyone.
Not anyone who could help me.
I wish i knew what it felt like to not be the way i am.

A loud sound snapped me from my thoughts and i sat bolt up right almost falling down the bleachers.
The lego building competition had finished.
I could see Ron talking with my parents. he was smiling and looked quite proud of himself.
He was happy.
And my parents loved him.
I wish i was happy.
I wish i was loved.
I climbed down off the bleachers and walked over to them as fast as i could so as to avoid contact with any of the other people at the festival.

"How'd you do?" I asked and tapped Ron on his shoulder.
"K! look! i got second place!" he grinned and held up a little lego model of a rocket.
"Good job dude!" i smiled for him.
I hadn't smiled and actually meant it for a long time.
"Do you leave it here now?" i asked.
"No." The little boy shook his head, his red curls bouncing.
"Do we need to ask a festival worker what to do with it?" My dad asked. sounding flustered.
My dad was such an idiot sometimes.
"No dad." Ron rolled his eyes. "We take it to the exhibit hall." he explained.
"Okay. lets go then." My dad patted his shoulder.
I slipped my earbuds in putting all my music on shuffle as i walked across the festival grounds following my family.
Again i was behind them, staring at the ground.

A door to the exhibit hall swung open and almost hit me.
"Kelly! watch out!" my mom snapped and yanked me out of the way by pulling on my arm.
"Sorry." i muttered and rolled my eyes.
"Don't worry about it ma'am. i was not paying proper attention, your daughter is fine." A man coming out the door said.
He was pushing a wagon full of empty boxes.
I don't know why this stood out to me but his shirt was black and it read; 'dreams can come true' on the front an when he turned around i saw that the back read 'when you wish upon a star.'
"K! stop staring!" my dad's voice pulled my gaze away and i followed them inside the exhibit hall.
As i walked in i was hit by a wave of cool air.
"Oh thank God! air conditioning!" i sighed and sat at one of the empty tables festival workers kept there.
"You wouldn't be so hot all the time if you didn't always wear all black." my mom laughed as she walked back from helping Ron display his lego model.
"I know." i shrugged and placed my forehead on the table.
"Mom, i'm hungry!" Ron sighed and plopped himself down in a chair across the table from me.
"Okay, is everyone else ready to eat?" my mother asked and looked around and over her shoulder for my dad.
"I'm not hungry but i'll eat if you guys want to get something." i told her.
"You will eat. you're as thin as a rail. and you skipped breakfast." she frowned down at me.
"Okay." i said and sat back up.
Ron ran off to get my father from wherever the hell he was.
"Are you okay?" my mom asked when it was just us.
"I'm fine." i replied quickly.
"I don't think you're telling me the truth." she said quietly.
"Mom, i'm fine." i said a little more firmly than last time.
"Whatever. if you don't tell me i can't help you. your choice." she said. obviously pissed at me.
'Yes because getting mad that i don't want to tell you is going to help both of us.' i thought and heaved a sigh of relief when Ron came back over with my father.