Énouement

Chapter Thiry Six

It was a strange feeling, being a commander. I hadn't even met my army yet and I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. I looked around my new commanders quarters. I knew it wouldn't feel like the army barracks, like a home. It was cold and quiet.

Instead of a bunk there was just a lone cot. They gave me a desk and a table, as if they believed I would have time to study, which wouldn't be the case if they were to treat me as they did Ender. And that was it.

There was no laughter or kids complaining. No younger kids for me to watch over, no bunks. There was no one sleeping under me now, there wasn't Ender. When I had a nightmare or just couldn't sleep, he wouldn't be sleeping under me. I couldn't crawl into his bunk. He wasn't even nearby in his own room, where I could sneak over in the middle of the night, just to talk.

I sat on my cot that was identical to Ender's and looked around my new room that looked just as his had, just as Bonzo's had. I sighed and thought back to the last time I had snuck into Ender's room.

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"Does she think we don't know where she goes at night?" I heard Vlad try to whisper to Crazy Tom as I got ready for bed.
"Nah, she knows. She just doesn't want the little ones to know." I smiled and put away my desk before laying down.

Most nights, after lights out, I'd sneak out of bed and go to Ender's quarters. The toon leaders knew, and I suspected the teachers did as well. I liked to keep it from the little kids though, least they ask an older boy what we were doing. I didn't need them all gossiping.

I wasn't sure why the teachers never bothered to stop me. I hoped that maybe Graff or Anderson was allowing Ender this small bout of happiness. They were allowing me to keep him sane.

Soon the lights were out, most conversations had quieted, and the little ones were all asleep. I pulled back my covers and climbed out of my bunk.  I shivered as the tips of my toes touched the cold metal floor. I could feel the eyes of the toon leaders on me, and I could hear Hot Soup slowly follow behind me.

The boys took turns watching over me each week, making sure I got to Ender's room alright. I smiled while pretending I didn't know he was there.

Walking on my toes, I quietly passed the bunks on my way towards the doors. As I passed the little kids, I touched a hand here, ran my fingers through their hair, and left a comforting touch as I went by. Like a mother. I had learned the trick from Dap as a launchy. I knew these kids would need loving touch here more then ever, especially the ones who had been brought up so early.

As I got to the last few bunks I smiled. Bean was, as per usual, pretending to be asleep. Or maybe he was asleep, but his mind kept working. The wheels in his head were constantly turning. I stopped in front of his bunk. Looking at him now, even though I could see his restless mind still working, he looked so small. Like a child. I smiled sadly.

We were all children and yet...

I ran a hand through his dark curly hair and leaned down to kiss his forehead. His face scrunched up, as if he resented any form of physical affection. I pulled his covers up further and slunk back away towards the door.

I could feel Hot Soup behind me, and the other boys' eyes on my back as I left the barracks. I quietly walked down the hallway on my toes towards Ender's door. I turned back and waved at Hot Soup, who waved shyly back before dashing back into the barracks. His blush was so dark I could see it even in the dim lighting. I slid open Ender's door and stepped in before closing it behind me. Ender was lying in his bed and facing the wall. I knew he was still wide awake. I padded over to him and climbed into his bed. I burrowed myself under the covers and curled up as tight as I could, the way I always slept, and Ender's shoulders relaxed. Ender turned towards me and wrapped his arm around me. I sighed happily.

"Who was it this time?" Ender asked softly.
"Hot Soup." I mummered back sleepily.
"Do you think they write it out or just flip a coin?"
"We don't have coins here."
"Oh yeah."

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Hey guys :) so just a small little filler for you all before shit goes down. Also because I've been so busy with work and classes that I totally forgot to update and I felt bad.

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Thank you HavenSnowMalfoy for commenting!