Énouement

Chapter Sixty Four

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When Petra returned, the difference was obvious. She wasn't as quick, wasn't as daring, and everything that had made Petra an amazing commander had gone from her. She was lost, and Ender couldn't use her anymore, except under close supervision of routine assignments. 

Petra's spirit was broken, but she wasn't stupid. I sat on Petra's bed, practicing the French braid she had taught me on her short hair. She and I had sworn we wouldn't become this kind of friends, that we wouldn't be like those silly girls we remembered on Earth. The vapid ones that only styled each other's hair and played with dolls. I don't know if I could even saw that Petra and I were friends, but we were certainly comrades. Not in this hell hole of an asteroid, but in what had been done to us. We we're kindred spirits in what the system, and Ender, had taken from us. 

"Petra, it wasn't your fault." I stopped to tie her hair. But she didn't turn to me, so I started the next braid. After a moment Petra spoke quietly.

"It was. I broke." I scoffed and tugged a bit harder at her roots than needed. 

"Any one of us could've broke. You were under so much pressure, more than you should have had to bare. If Ender had given me a fraction of your duties-" Petra tensed.

"But you didn't break. It wasn't you or Dink or Crazy Tom! It was me. And thats why I'm being treated like a child now. But I already told Ender, its fine. Its not like he has any other choice." 

Petra wasn't stupid, and I knew what she said was true. She wasn't the weakest commander here by far, and she still had buckled under the weight of it all. Ender didn't have many options at this point, so few that he even had to relinquish Petra's role of core fighting to me. 

"Say what you want Petra, believe what you want," I finished her braid and laid my hand on her shoulder, "But I know the truth. You don't deserve this. You didn't deserve any of this." She shrugged.

"Do any of us deserve this?" I didn't know what to say, and Petra wasn't really looking for an answer.

But Petra's compliance with her new duties were still a dark mark against Ender's own leadership. Her break was a warning. He couldn't press us more than we could bear.

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Ender was more cautious with all of us now. Not in a protective way, but as if he was afraid of using his full strength to corral us all again. He didn't call of us whenever he needed something that we had a skill for, he waited, thought it out, and decided how badly he needed it. I knew he was using up mental space just to keep track of how often we had all fought, how involved we had all been in the battles previous. But that meant that sometimes he had to use people he trusted less, had worked with less. He didn't always have the luxury of using Dink or Alai, and it showed in how he led us. But I knew that every ounce of pressure he tried to take off of us, he thrusted upon himself.

Contrary to all the near hand holding that Ender gave us, it didn't include me. I was given command of Petra's prior positions, directly under only Ender himself. I didn't know whether or not Ender had actually made that decision, but it was Graff who instructed me to do so. I took a sick sense of satisfaction of him doing it, in front of all the adults that watched my simulation room. He had come in before we had started practice, a few days after Petra's meltdown. I had been doing my stretches, trying to warm up my body and mind.

Graff had walked in just as I went into a handstand.

"What part of my soul do you need today Graff?" I stuck my tongue out at him, and could feel the glares of the older men in the room. Whether they were at me and my childish behavior (really though I was still a kid), or at Graff's meddling by giving me the access codes, I didn't know. 

Graff didn't answer for a minute, just watched as I flipped into a bridge before righting myself. "Cmon, you know I'm just joking. You're not my commanding officer anymore, I can do that now." He shook his head but came closer to me.

"Unfortunately Sophronia, I will be burdening you again." I pursed my lips and waited for him to continue. "You will now take over Arkanian's duties, her core force, and all her responsibilities in the team." He had his serious face on but I didn't believe him. 

"So I couldn't get a damn viper squad before, but you expect me to believe that I am basically acting as the general? That Ender trusts me enough for that?" Graff looked uncomfortable now as I crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for his response.

"Ender is... being consulted on this design, but its not coming from him."

"Your boss than." He nodded. 

"Okay, lets forget the fact that he won't work with me, unless its to second guess every one of my plans. But Petra just got mind raped by that job." Graff glared at me, but I was past the point of acting right for any of the adults on this damn rock.

"Are you saying you can't do it?" I glared back.

"No, sir."

"Are you saying Arkanian was the superior commander to you?"

"No one, is a better tactician or strategist than me. Not even Ender, you know that." I stood my ground but I could hear all the adults around us whispering to themselves over my words. 

"Are you having doubts about your leadership capabilities?" Graff come closer to my face. 

"My soldiers would die for me, because they know I'd never let them. My leadership is not a problem." Graff smiled thinly.

"Then whats the problem, Victoria?" I scowled at him, before turning on my heel away from him. Practice would start soon. I placed the headset atop my curls and looked at Graff over my shoulder.

"I'm not backing down. If it happens again, to someone else, or if he goes too far. I won't let any more of us lose ourselves like Petra did. There won't be anything left of us then." Graff started to walk out of the room and I signed in to my simulator. "Unless of course," I heard his footsteps stop, "there isn't enough time for you all to care about the long term affects on us children."

You could hear a pin drop in the room. Soon it was alive with the voices of everyone's comm links, setting up for practice. And I heard Graff walk out fo the room.