Énouement

Chapter Forty Four

I didn't know how long Ender had been gone, but I knew my time here was coming to an end. What would they do with me now? I was good at commanding, but I didn't want to be here. I was here because Ender had been here. I followed where he went and helped him reach his goals. What use would they have for me now?

They had decimated Dragon, transferred out every last one of them. Bean and a few of the other toon leaders had been given command of armies, and the old commanders had been shuffled out quietly. The adults always screwed with us, they didn't care what happened to us or what we did, as long as they got the results they were looking for. So they shipped Ender off to an unmarked asteroid, they tore apart his army, and now they'll put everyone against each other. They'll force us to fight, until they find a new Ender. Until they find someone else to screw with.

I wanted to go home. But Ender wouldn't be there. I wanted to stay with Alai and Bean, but the adults had no use for me now. I wanted to see Bonzo. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to be with Ender again.

That's it then. I'll play the adults' game. I'd do my best with Siren army, not because I wanted to be a commander, but for Ender. Because maybe in 10 or 20 years, when we're all as cold as the adults, when Ender is at the bridge of the flagship of the human fleet, I might have some role to play, some way to help. Maybe Ender will need me, just one last time.

So I'll please the teachers, impress the hell out of them, so that they keep opening doors for me, until one day a door would open and my Ender will be on the other side of it, and I could be with Ender once again.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

When I had finally been released from the crazy room, Alai was waiting for me. He stood against the wall and smiled sadly when he saw me.

"Ho, Victorie."
"Ho, Alai." We were silent for a minute, just staring at each other, before I rushed toward him. Alai opened his arms and held me as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I buried my face in his chest. I couldn't stop the tears from escaping my eyes, I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't stop. Every feeling I'd been holding back had come full force.

"Don't let them take me back there! Please, please Alai! Don't let them put me back into that room!" I didn't know why I suddenly felt so afraid, why I was realizing my fears right now. I felt scared and alone. Ender was gone, and I never wanted to be locked into a room like that again.

"Shh, it's alright little goddess. I have you now." Alai smoothed down my curls and rubbed my back as I cried. "I won't let them take you again. He's gone, but I'll protect you now, okay?" Alai lifted my chin and wiped my tears off my face. "Come, there are some people who miss seeing you."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Alai had taken me to the commander's mess, where I was shocked to find the new commanders. They had been told to forgo the tradition of waiting for their first victory, and to report there today.

It made sense. Since they were going to accelerate the battle schedule for everyone, they wanted to have the commanders in a position to share information right from the start. And to be under social pressure from their peers, as well. More games.

No one asked where I had been, and I suspected that they already knew. No one mentioned Bonzo, or even who was now commanding Salamander. Petra gave me a firm shoulder clap, before she sat at the far end of our table. Still not friends, but she had sympathy for me. Dink tried to make me laugh, and got a few smiles from me. And sweet Alai, he hadn't left my side.

But Bean, Bean was something else. I knew he was smart enough to see through the adults' games here, and I knew he really emulated Ender. So I wasn't surprised when he climbed up on our table.