Énouement

Chapter Fifty Four

It had taken sometime for Alai to calm me down, but he managed it. I ended up sitting next to him in the corner of the sofa in the room, holding his hand. The others seemed afraid to approach me, like they didn't know what to say anymore. Thankfully, Bean spoke first.

"It's always been hard for me. To relate to you all, to other kids. But I think out of everyone, Torie you are the one I feel similar to. You didn't have to tell everyone what happened to you on Earth, but you did. You didn't do it do everyone would trust you, because they already do. Even Petra. You didn't so I would tell them my story."

I didn't think it would really happen, but he seized the opportunity and began to speak openly about his entire childhood experience.

Hiding in the toilet tank in the clean room. Going home with the Spanish custodian. Starving on the streets as he scouted for his opportunity. Telling Poke, his gang leader, how to beat the bullies at their own game. Watching Achilles, admiring him, fearing him as he created their little street family, marginalized Poke, and finally killed her.

When he told them of finding Poke's body, a lot of the boys cried. I knew that despite being here, whether it was really their choice or not, most of them had good lives back on Earth. They didn't expire nice a fraction of the horrors that Bean had.

Petra in particular broke down and sobbed. Whether it was from her guilt of the way she had been treating Bean or something else, I wasn't sure. Of course she didn't want anyone to see her cry and so she ran, taking her emotions into the privacy of her quarters.

As soon afterward as he could, Bean got up to follow her. It took me a minute to get Alai to stay with the others, but I managed to catch up to them both.

"Bean, I don't want to talk."
"I do," said Bean. "It's something we have to talk about. For the good of the team."

Petra scoffed. "Is that what we are?" I leaned against the wall, watching them.

"Petra, you know the worst thing I've ever done. Achilles was dangerous, I knew it, and I still went away and left Poke alone with him. She died for it. That burns in me every day of my life. Every time I start to feel happy, I remember Poke, how I owe my life to her, how I could have saved her. Every time I love somebody, I have that fear that I'll betray them the same way I did her." He was kind of laying it on thick, but at least he wasn't pretending to be sincere anymore.

"Why are you telling me this, Bean?"
"Because you betrayed Ender and I think it's eating at you." Her eyes flashed with rage.

"I did not! And it's eating at *you*, not me!"
"Petra, whether you admit it to yourself or not, when you tried to slow Ender down in the corridor that day, there's no way you didn't know what you were doing. I've seen you in action, you're sharp, you see everything. In some ways you're the best tactical commander in the whole group. It's absolutely impossible that you didn't see how Bonzo's thugs were all there in the corridor, waiting to beat the crap out of Ender, and what did you do? You tried to slow him down, peel him off from the group."

"And you stopped me," said Petra. "So it's moot, isn't it?"
"I have to know why."
"You don't have to know squat."

"Petra, we have to fight shoulder to shoulder someday. We have to be able to trust each other. I don't trust you because I don't know why you did that. And now you won't trust me because you know I don't trust *you*."

"Oh what a tangled web we weave."
"What the hell does that mean?" Bean stared at Petra incredulously and I had to bite back my laughter as she rolled her eyes at him.

"My father said it. Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive."
"Exactly. Untangle this for me."
"You're the one who's weaving a web for me, Bean. You know things you don't tell the rest of us. You think I don't see that? So you want me to restore your trust in me, but you don't tell me anything useful."