Thinking Out Loud

Chapter 26: Shock

How could I explain my feelings? I wasn't so sure if I cried my heart out after Calvin cleared out that we were just friends and we were like bro and sis.  My feelings was like in a deep limbo.  I wanted to push myself inside and be crashed by it.  I didn't learn at all. I thought..... I thought we would love me. However, it wasn't what I hoped for.  All the kindness and generosity we had shared together was nothing but a brotherly love.  Was I ugly?  I thought yes.   He wasn't fully aware that what I had shown him, the smile I wore was all fake. Couldn't he sense it? These thoughts lingered in my head as we walked along the moonlit street.

"Homie, let's drop by some diner and grab a bite."  Calvin invited as if we didn't talk about something between us which made me so disappointed.

"No, thanks. I'm still full and I need to get some rest. "  I replied  like I didn't have energy at all to be with him.

"c'mon. " He pulled my arm and kinda teased me.  But, I shrugged his hand off mine and gave him a smirk.  Suddenly, my phone buzzed.  Someone called me in the middle of this night.

"Excuse me, a minute please."  I checked my phone and it was Blake calling me.

"Hello, good evening.  Mr. Davis."  I said.  Calvin's eyes wondered and glued on me.  I signed him to give me some time to talk to my boss.

"What can I do for you?"  I politely asked while obviously rolling my eyes of disgust.

"What? I thought it was already sealed."  I said in shock.  

"okay... I'll be there in 5 minutes."  I hung up the phone and walked towards Calvin waiting for me.

"Hey, something is wrong in the office.  I need to get back. Just go ahead.  "  I said avoiding Calvin's gaze. 

"Uhm... I don't think you have to go. It's quite late. "  He worriedly suggested me.  

"None of your business."  I was so surprised why I said that to him. It might have been I had a little anger or disappointments with him.  I called for a taxi and left Calvin staring at me.  He said take care to me but I just ignored it.  

"Fifth avenue please."  I commanded the driver.

"I think it is about time for me to give you distance. "  I said to myself as I got in the taxi and off to meet Blake.   I saw the reflection of Calvin from the side mirror of the taxi.  He seemed bewildered.   While inside the taxi, I opened the gallery of my pictures and checked the secret folder where I placed all the photos of Calvin. 

"I have loved you for freakin 3 years. For 3 years, you have never been honest to me until tonight.  Tonight was the worst feeling of all. It is so sad.  I'm so fuckin stupid."  I covered my face with my hands.  I wanted to cry but I couldn't.  

"Excuse, we are here, miss."  The taxi driver said.  I handed him some bucks and got out.  Tonight was not the best time to cry and contemplate because some company issues occurred.  Sulking about Calvin was out of timing.    I went inside the building where Blake lived and went up to his condominium unit.

As the elevator opened, my nostrils was greeted by a strong scent of cinnamon which everybody loved but not me.  

"Good evening, Mr. Davis.  I'm here."  I said while peeking from left to right looking for my monster boss. It wasn't my first time to be in Blake's apartment but the place was still looking great and organized like a den of an OCD prince.

"Finally, you are here."  Blake popped suddenly while munching some I thought would be freshly baked cookies.  He could cook? Wow.  It was shocking.  Blake was already on his PJ's wearing blue plaid pajamas and a white long sleeves shirt.  He must have finished taking a shower because his hair was still wet. He looked frantic and I didn't know why.