Unrequited ||Jaspar AU

11. Downwards

WARNING: suicide. please stay safe my munchkins! :) I love you all and enjoy! <3

21st of March

2:55am

Tegan's p.o.v
I could feel the alcohol in my system, weighing me down causing my body to flop about, as I lay on top of Josh on Oli's couch. Everyone was wasted except for Louise and a concerned looking Zoe. She kept evil eyeing me and it was starting to tick me off.

She's such a bitch, always acting like my mans her little puppet or something... Ugh pathetic. I've never seen any siblings so attached to each other.... And it's gross. Glad I never had to deal with my siblings. They died in my mums stomach. Of course Mum cried day in day out over it but she soon got over it. Dad on the other hand seemed fine.

I got up off of Josh and slurred out,

"I'm... Gooooing too get a..... Drinnkk. I'll.... Be bbbacckk."

I pushed my feet to move along the wooden floor.

No, I wasn't getting a drink. I was going to see what the actual fuck is up with Zoe sugg.

Zoe's eyes followed my every move as I came toward her, her face grew with fear and a smirk tickled my lips. She fears me. This is good... Oh so very good.

I got right up in her face, causing her to stumble backward in fright. She then put on a brave face.

You can't hide behind that mask forever, Zoe.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" I asked, pushing my breath onto her face, causing her nose to wrinkle in disgust.

She didn't say a word, just stared at me, I backed down a bit. She was actually quite intimidating. But man she is short,

So, I have an advantage.

"I said... WHY DO YOU KEEP STARING AT ME?!" I screamed over the music, which was now fading into silence.

It was almost as if someone had laid a sheet of poison over the obnoxious noise and caused it to dwindled down to nothing but silence.

"HUH? YOU GONNA ANSWER OR YOU TOO CHICKEN?!? LOSER!" I continued, people's eyes stabbing me, I had all the attention.

Perfect

"Your disgusting, Tegan. I don't know what the actual fuck my brother was thinking when he picked you up from the dumpster!" Zoe snapped, her small body urging closer.

"What did you just say.... TO ME?,' I paused and urged forward to her, feeling the object in my back pocket from earlier, "HUH? I SAID WHAT DO YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!" I yelled agin, straining my throat.

I felt my legs become stiff and my body full of alcohol stumble back a bit.

"Go Fuck yourself, Tegan." She glared and snapped off harshly.

That was the last straw.

I felt anger bubble inside off me. My jaw clenched, preventing words to flow out of my mouth.

I reached to the back of my jean pockets where my hands grasp around the object. I swung it out and everyone gasped and screamed in fear as I pointed the barrel of the gun towards Zoe's head. My finger started to grow tighter on the trigger, Zoe screaming tears down her face. It was as if time was paralysed and all everyone else could do was stare. I know they don't think I'll do it, but just you wait.

I stepped closer to her, now only being less then 5 meters apart.

My finger pulled tighter.

"Say goodbye, Zoe. You know it never had to be this way." A laughed evilly.

I counted in my head,

5
4
3
2....

BAM!

Someone's body slammed against mine, causing the gun to fire. It was if everything was moving slow again. I watched as a drunk Tyler fell to the ground after pushing me, I watched as the bullet flew into her leg, I watched as everyone started panicking, I watched from the hard timber floor my body had slammed against only minutes ago.

In what felt like seconds everyone was rushed about, noise, commotion, phone calls, an ambulance.

Suddenly everything was peaceful, no sound except the light whisper of the wind and the murmur of voices, from outside. All noise felt drowned out. Faint, but I could still hear everything. I still lay on my back. The wooden floor now felt as if it were apart of me.

Tears started to cover my face and my mind started attacking itself. My thoughts were running wild, getting louder and louder and controlling everything. I clenched my head and sat up. I struggled and thrashed about, the voices growing stronger.

What had I done?

I couldn't keep it in any longer. I shrieked out in pain. The voices just grew stronger.

I screamed again.
And again,
And again,
And again.

Until someone's voice I could faintly hear, burst into the dark room.

"Miss, stand up! Drop your weapons!" Was all I heard.

I looked over, my vision blurred slightly from tears, he stood there in a police uniform. Tall, blonde and deep blue eyes. He looked like someone I knew, like someone who was falling in love with Joe.

"C-Caspar?!" I questioned as I painfully stretched to my feet, not letting go of the gun.

"Put. The. Gun. DOWN!!" He yelled more harshly.

I looked down at the object my hand was clenched upon.

Then I looked at him, his own gun pointed at me. I lifted the gun and pointed it at him.

He looked at me strangely.

I pulled the gun away from him, and pushed it against the side of my own head.

"I hate my life. I know who you are Craig, I know your son. He's falling in love with someone who I once loved and the one I once loved has already fallen, yet doesn't know it yet. Just to clarify. I'm your missing daughter, Dad." I finished tears swelling in my eyes.

He stood there unsure what to say, his gun dropped.

"Goodbye, Dad. Please treat Caspar better."

I counted in my head, my finger growing tighter around the trigger.
3
2
1

I pulled the trigger.

I was gone.

At least now my demons are at rest, I guess Joe and Caspar where born to be together, I guess I don't earn a place in this world.

Dear Caspar,
I know you don't remember me, but I was the sister you thought you all lost when mum ran away. When she died I grew up by myself, searching for you. I never found you. I found Joe. And after what I did, I now understand and trust Joe. Joe is your saviour, your guardian, your angel. He's the miracle. Protect him at all costs Caspar. You may hate each other, but Joe loves you, I know it. And you love him, you just haven't seen it yet.
I love you Caspar,
And I'm sorry, oh so sorry,
Goodbye.
Keep your angel safe, he is your angel and you are his.

Tegan xx