Infinity | H.S.

25

I could tell today wasn't going to be a good day right when I woke up. I knew today that I would be by myself all day long due to the fact that Nicole would be away. She's visiting family today, catching up and what not. She invited me to come along but I declined. I've been in an awful mood the past week or so and I don't want to show that to her family as of now. Plus, I don't want my bad mood to affect her in anyway. I don't want to be the one to cause Nicole to be sad. She doesn't deserve that.

And, again, I couldn't seem to keep my mind off of Kelly. But this time, I'm filled with anger and jealousy. I'm angry at the fact that I'm the one who built this long relationship with her. We spent so many years together and she betrayed me so easily. Though, I'm jealous that Abigail is the one that gets to hold her, kiss her, hug her, love her. It's absolute bullshit. I should be the one that gets to do all of that, even if she did cheat on me.

"Harry?" I hear Nicole call out from behind me, startling me a bit. I turn my head to see her walking into the living room, over to me.

"What're you doing here?" I ask. "I thought you were going to visit your family?"

"I am. I just wanted to come by and check on you first." She replies. "Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"Oh, yeah. I need to get some work done." I tell her, nodding slightly. "You have fun though." I glance over to Natalia, who's resting her head on Nicole's shoulder and sleeping away peacefully.

"Well, okay." She says then releases a small sigh. "I know you've been thinking a lot here lately. I wish you would tell me but I'm not gonna force you to." She runs a hand through my hair, pushing it back away from my eyes. "Just don't over think things, okay?"

"I won't, babe." I reply then get up and kiss her cheek. "Be careful on your way there. Let me know when you've arrived safely, please." I lightly press a kiss to Natalia's temple then look back to Nicole.

"Alright. I will." She nods before leaving me to my thoughts again.

-

Midway through the day, I've found myself drinking from a bottle of the strongest alcohol that I could find. I just couldn't handle constantly thinking about Kelly anymore. I had to find a way to get her off my mind and alcohol has always helped me with that. At least I'm at home drinking and not out at a bar by myself. I could be doing worse, in all honesty. A lot worse, I believe.

My mind is beginning to blur and all I'm focusing on right now is the drinking. This is a good thing. I don't want to think about anything or anyone right now.

This is exactly how I used to deal with the Kelly situation before Nicole came along. I thought that I wouldn't go back to drinking again if I had Nicole but look at me now. Wasting my time and ruining my liver by drowning in alcohol instead of dealing with the situation head on. What an adult I am.

After drinking the entire bottle, I find another and start on it. I just want to forget about Kelly but I can't seem to. Not even consuming this much alcohol into my system is helping me to forget. Shit.

As my mind continuously thinks about Kelly and this entire thing, I find myself crying and sobbing uncontrollably. I dig my phone out of my pocket, wanting to talk to my mum. She always makes me feel better.

After about the third ring, she picks up.

"Knew you'd call." I hear her say, her voice reminding me of Kelly, but I ignore that.

"Can we talk?" I sniffle, wiping the tears off my cheeks.

"Are you crying?" She inquires. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know what to do anymore." I say, trying to stop crying so I can actually talk. "I miss Kelly so much. More than I ever thought I would. But, Nicole is so great and I just, I think I'm beginning to fall for her. I just don't know anymore."

"Oh my gosh, Harry." She sighs. "You sound so heartbroken and I hate hearing you like that."

"I am heartbroken,  Mum." I reply. "Kelly really hurt me. D-Don't you get that?" I can't seem to control the crying anymore, breaking out into an uncontrollable sob before telling her that I can't talk anymore and hanging up.

I toss my phone beside me then lay down across the couch, burying my face into a pillow and letting the tears fall.

Maybe I just need to deal with this problem on my own instead of reaching out to anyone. I could reach out to Nicole, my mum, Gemma, Louis, anyone really but it may be possibly better to just deal with things by myself.

I sit back up right on the couch and wipe my face. I put my hair into a bun then get up and put the bottle away then head to my bedroom, deciding to call it quits for the day. 

I crawl into bed, after discarding my clothes, and get comfortable underneath the covers. Maybe if I just sleep it off then everything will be alright.

But, deep down, I know that it won't be okay or alright or better in any way. I'm going to keep thinking about Kelly, for reasons only God knows, and I'll be in this horrid mood until I can figure this shit out.

I close my eyes and find myself thinking: what if I went back to Kelly and forgot about Nicole? Would that be the best option for me? Would it help me?

I'm starting to think it would.

-A/N-

Hi, here's an update! How'd you enjoy it?

Questions for you:
1. Do you think this is just drunk Harry talking or is it something more?

2. How would you guys react if he did go back to Kelly?

3. What're your thoughts on the chapter?

Any questions for me?

Mayar, I don't know what your user is but please DM me. We need to talk.

All the love x

~Nicole~