Secret Admirer || Phan

.Chapter 9.

Hey guys,, I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while but here you go! -A

{TW - Abuse,Self Harm}

Phils POV

I got a text from my secret admirer saying that they had to go. I was a bit upset but I didn't want them getting in trouble because of me. I locked my phone and decided to sleep for a little longer. I turned over and brought the duvet over my head. I closed my eyes and slowly felt myself falling asleep.

But just as I was drifting off, I heard my bedroom door slam. I automatically sat up, slightly scared from the loud noise. My dad stood there, looking as angry as ever.

"What the fuck are you still doing here. You should be at school" He spoke through clenched teeth.

I could barely form any words. I was too scared and nervous. He hates me being off school.

"I-I..I don't f-feel too good.." I manage to stutter out, barely audible.

"You're lying. You just don't want to go in to school because some boys say stuff too you. You should man up. It's you're fault they beat you up. You're practically asking for it; maybe if you weren't a faggot then -"

I have had enough of him hating me for being gay. I cut him off, not even thinking about the consequences.

"Shut the fuck up! Being gay is not a fucking choice! You of all people should be supporting me and making sure I'm okay! Not telling me that I fucking deserve the shit I get! There is nothing wrong with liking guys! Why can't you just fucking treat me like your son, instead of a piece of shit!?"

I didn't even realise I was crying until I had finished shouting. I wish I hadn't now; he's going to kill me. In a matter of seconds I was on the floor, crying more in pain. He just punched me in the face. I could already feel it starting to bruise. Great, I'm going to have a black eye that I now need to find a way to cover up for school. I think I have some concealer somewhere. Hopefully that will work.

I was expecting him to stop there but he just continued to hurt me. Punching and kicking me, as if I was just a rag doll. He called me worthless and pathetic. He says it as if I don't already know.

After what felt like an eternity of beatings, my dad just spat on me before walking away. I felt like nothing. I felt like I was just trash on the floor. I just lay there, on my bedroom floor, crying and just wishing for everything to end.

I don't want to be here anymore. It's all too much.

I stand up, making my way to the bathroom and locking the door. Not like my dad would care if he found me doing what I was going to do anyway. He would just encourage me. I search around in the cabinets, finding my little silver friend.

Before I even thought about hesitating, I cut into my arm, wincing a little at the pain. All I could hear were my thoughts, racing through my head.

You should cut deeper.

No one cares about you.

You're just a pathetic faggot.

I cut up each arm about 15 times. They were deep; but not deep enough. I cleared myself up as my dad would get mad if I left a mess.

Out of no where I thought about my secret admirer. They wouldn't like me if they saw me like this. They would be disgusted. They would think I was a freak.

But maybe they wouldn't. Maybe they would tell me that everything would get better and help me through this. Ha. Who am I kidding. They won't even tell me their name. I know nothing about them.

But for some reason, I want them to be here with me right now, just so I knew that someone cared. That someone actually liked me and wanted to be around me.

I'm so sorry about not updating!! I've been super busy recently and yeah. I still can't believe I've got over 1.2k reads on this. Thank you so much guys! Ily all!! ✨💕