Secret Admirer || Phan

.Chapter 10.

My updating is terrible I'm so sorry,, I've just been really busy with stuffs and I've not really been in the mood for anything recently,, but hey I'm back!! Here's an update 🐨

warning/ mentions of self harm and abuse

Phils POV

The rest of yesterday was such a blur. It mostly consisted of me crying and hurting myself. I couldn't find anything to cover the bruise on my face that my father gave me, I will just have to walk with my head down today. He's making me go to school, whether I want to or not. I don't want to face Dan today, I don't think I've recovered properly from yesterday. Everything aches and My arms are itching like crazy. That's my fault though. I deserved it anyhow.

Here I am again, walking through the gross rusty gates of school. Kill me please. I keep my head down as I walk although I can hear people muttering and whispering, some are even laughing. I pretend not to hear them and just walk past. I go into school and walk up to my locker, opening it up. I find a note in there which I wasn't expecting as I hadn't told my secret admirer that I was coming into school today. I open it up to see it was from yesterday.

Phil,
I know you're not in school today but I'm just going to leave this in for when you are back at school. I hope you are feeling better and I can't wait to see your gorgeous face again, seeing you literally makes my day 100x better. I just wish I could say all this to your face, but I know that if you knew who I was, you would never talk to me again and I can't risk that.
Stay beautiful,
-?

He wouldn't be calling me beautiful if he saw my face right now, all battered and bruised. I look gross, even more so than usual. I put the note into my bag and go to my class, bumping into Dan in the way. Surprisingly, he wasn't with his friends but I still felt scared. We made eye contact for a split second before I looked down and hurried off. I hope to god he didn't see my bruises, he would target me even more knowing that I was even more weak than usual. To be honest I'm surprised that he isn't following me right now or chasing me so he can beat me up. He's probably just planning something.

Class was boring as usual. I didn't really pay any attention to anything. I just looked down and doodled in my book. I heard some people talking about my bruise but I just chose to act like I didn't hear them. At one point I heard someone whisper 'faggot' at me and I felt myself tear up. I just despise that word so much. Nothing hurts me as much as when someone calls me that. It makes me feel absolutely worthless. It makes me feel like an outcast. Which I am but I don't want to be reminded of it constantly with such a horrible word.

I just went into the school library at lunchtime, mainly to avoid Dan and his friends. They were probably looking for me so they could have their daily attack at me. My arms have been driving me crazy all day but I have tried not to itch them in case they split open again. I can't let that happen at school. I would get even more horrible remarks if people found out that I hurt myself. I would never hear the end of it; and it would give Dan more ammunition to hurt me. More of a reason to bully me.

I also don't want my secret admirer finding out. I'm scared that if they knew then they would think I was a freak and that they would go off me completely and never talk to me again. I can't let that happen. They are the closest thing I have to a friend. Maybe even a crush..

The school day dragged on for what felt like forever, but finally the bell for the end of the day went. I went to my locker to find yet another note. It wasn't long and sweet like the other notes I have received. It just had a single sentence.

Phil,
Text me asap please, I need to ask you something.
-?