You are mine

Not so pretty

"I can't belive you said it!" Anna's hands start to shake and all the earth beneath her feet disappears. "That's true, you are ugly, disgusting little bitch that doesn't deserve to be loved, so you fucking slut, get the hell out from my house." Shaun's eyes blaze in fire, drunk breath in her face. His eyes run down her body and her feet get cold all the sudden. "But, I love you, baby. This can't happen. This just can't happen..." Anastasia takes the collar of her shirt and whipes her tears into it. The salty taste keeps coming back into her mouth and almost tastes like blood.

She shakes and turnes, sheets tangled around her feet and sweat covers her entire body. Cold. So cold. Pillow feels as a rock beneath her head and the solid silence creaps her out. No. This can't happen. I love you. I love you. Words get more longer and drag throw every letter in them. Say something. Please, just anything.

The face of the man standing before her turns white, then red, then almost white. It ends. The dream ends.

Leaving her breathless, in her own bed, under the influence of a sleeping pill and the dizzy feeling warps around her. It ends. Now it ends. Finally finished. And this can't happen again. Never.

The knock on the door wakes her from the nightmare. "Are you still asleep?" Laura asks, opening the door and sticks her head in. "Not anymore!" She stretches and pulls the blanket away from her.

"I didn't hear you coming home?" Laura asks, popping down on the bed, next to Anastasia. "Yeah, I went straight to bed after work." She looks at the time and it's already 8 o'clock in the evening. "We have a dress fitting tomarrow morning at 9. I called Jameson and told him that you will be a little late for work!" Laura drags her feet under her ass and clasps her fingers together."Thanks." She mumbles and reaches for her phone. It's not there on the bedside table like always.

"Have you seen my phone?" she asks, and gets her ass out from the bed. "No!" Laura says.

Anastasia checks her bag and jacket pockets, it's nowhere to be found. All the sudden Laura's phone rings in the living room. She answers. "Yes! No it's fine, she's home. Yes."Laura looks at Anna and smiles. "You can come here, the door is open downstairs. No, its fine, thank you!" She finishes the call and takes a cup from the cabinet. "James has your phone, he is bringing it to you!" Laura says, hard not to start laughting at Anna's face expression. She looks horrified and confused.

After 15 minutes of waiting, the doorbell rings. They both rush to the door and Laura pushes Anna away. "Let me!" she says, as she opens the door. "Hello!" Laura says with a toned down voice. Although she's getting married in 4 days, she can't keep her eyes from James's body. That gorgeous face and broad shoulders make her squirm. "You must be Laura?" James says, stepping in. "Mhm," Laura mumbels against her hand, trying to keep her from screaming. Anna stands beside the kitchen island drinking tea. "Here. I totally forgot I stole it from you!" He laughts and hands her the phone. "Thanks. I thought I misplaced it." She says between taking sips of her camille tea. "No, I had it the whole time. By the way, you have some missed calls." James stands beside her and clentches his jaw, suggesting he's a bit angry.

Unlocking the screen, there are 4 missed calls and 2 texts. 2 calls are from James and 2 are from an unknown number. Oh, no, they must be from Jake- she thinks. She deletes them fast and slids the phone into her pocket. "I need to fly to LA for few days, but I will be back for the wedding." He says with a husky voice. "In the Lambert 4 o'clock. Right?" he asks, before turning to face Laura. She nods in agreement. "Good! Can I talk to you privately for a moment?" he asks Anna.

"Sure. Let's talk in my bedroom!" she hushes her in the direction of her bedroom door. As she closes the door behind them, James pushes her against the door, cups her face and dives in for a kiss. His lips mold hers, as she tries to pull away, but he raises her hands over her head and places one hand behind her back, pulling her against her. All this is too sudden, and she don't kiss him back. She doesn't even move. "What are you doing?" she asks, after their lips part.

"Making you feel the same way I do?" he says, mumbeling against her mouth.

"Uncomfortable?" she asks, pushing him away but he don't move.

"No!"

Anastasia's POV

I close the door behind me and I'm attacked. He pulls me against him and we land against the bedroom door. I feel his lips against mine and I freeze. Feelings take me by suprise and the smell of his breath make my stomach clentch underneath. The rush in my vains pulls me in.

 I fight to get free but he takes my hands and crosses them above my head. One hand behind my lower back, he pulls me more closer to him. I fight. Hard. No use what so ever. He's strong, so strong. I tighten my hands into fists and keep myself from opening my mouth. It would be the end of me if I give in and kiss him back. So I keep my mouth shut.

After the passionate kissing, I'm tired of fighting the way I do on that moment. 

"What are you doing?" I ask, bearly getting my breathing back.

He looks at me, hungerly licking his lips. "Making you feel the same way I do!"

The way he does? I know that I'm ready to jump his bones but the constant feeling deep in my brain says ' No, don't do it. You won't forgive yourself'.

"Uncomfortable?" I lie.

"No," he kisses me again on the neck, "hungry!" 

I push him away and walk toward my bed. "I can't!" I say, my voice almost cracks and the way he's looking at me, the bright smile on his face turns down to a frown.

"You can't do what?" he walks over to me and sits down on the bed.

"This. Relationships. Even if its fake, I can't play along. What if..?" I start to mumble, but he stops me.

"What that guy did to you?" He asks, taking my hand and rubbing my knuckles with his thumb.

"Why do you want to now?"

"Because, the way you keep pushing me away- rejecting me, I can feel that you have something against men!" He says, his eyes concertrated on my hand on his.

"I don't but, after all that has happened... I don't feel safe around men. Especially around you." I say, looking into his deep grey eyes.

"So, your afraid. Afraid of me?" he asks, sliding away his hand.

"No. Well, yes!" I say, reaching back to his but he pulls away.

"There isn't nothing to be afraid of. I'm not going to hurt you. And if all you want is for me to be with you in the wedding on Friday, then let's do it. After that I won't bother you ever again." He says, standing up. 

Won't bother me? Anna, stop lieing to yourself. You want him. More than you want something else. 

"Good. I will see you Friday then." I say, swallowing hard before walking toward him but he backs away and opens the bedroom door.

"Good." He leaves, and as the door closes behind him, I burry my face into the pillow. 

I keep pushing my feelings down. I like him, I do. But after all this time, I can't give in and fall in love. Actually, somehow  I already had. It wasn't about Shaun breaking up with me, I wasn't about him that kept me prisoned with my own feelings. It was about me.. That stupid me, who can't say what I really feel.