Kirito x Asuna

I deserve this pain, so give me up

~Kirito's Point Of View~

      I nodded after the strangely ecstatic girl bounded into the frozen white yard, the house she lived in now gave off an aura I couldn't describe.
"See you tomorrow Kazuto!" Akemi yelled, sending a flash of brighter white through the already snowing sky. After giving another quick nod, Akemi marveled at the white snowflakes coming down in flurries all around her. She smiled again at me this time and a worried expression dawned upon her cheerful face.
      "Are you sure you're going to be fine? It looks like a storm is coming" I nodded shyly, not willing to have eye contact with her. "Call me when you get home" she called out before I nodded with the same mechanical function as before. Before giving me the option to say anything else, the door slammed shut, and the wind followed suit. Seemed like the harsh wind was the culprit of that act. I didn't bother to tense my body or hide inside my coat. Letting the coldness hit me like a brick wall with a lingering reminder of the people I hurt again and again overwhelmed me enough.
      I twisted my body and started making my way through the already built up snow beneath me, struggling to get through the freshly fallen snow. Keeping my head low, I imagined my heart with a gaping wound, never healing, just growing bigger. "Damn.." I gritted my teeth and cursed under my breath, the result of a white cloud finding its way into the cold air.
I didn't know where I was going, I let instincts take over as I watched the earth move beneath me.
      {play video}
      I was dumb, too naive to understand this wanting desire in my chest, who it beckoned for. I kissed the wrong girl, I held the wrong girl's hand, I smiled to the wrong girl. I misread the situation and now, here I am, with a gaping hole in my heart, with no healing available anymore.
"Dumbass" I muttered, feeling her lips against mine in a tangled, heated, unrealistic mess. My hands gripped at her body, wanting more, but receiving nothing in return. A hopeless, empty cycle of desires, my masochistic side came out and I knew I deserved what was coming next, because as soon as the cold water started seeping into my socks, and the whipping wind blew any kind of warmth from me, the bright lights in front of me had silenced my thoughts and my actions to a minimum.
After a pain so explicitly short, I thought I was dreaming, the wind fled from my chest as I hit the surprisingly hard ground beneath me. The next thing I felt was the coldness. The coldness of the snow beneath me, the coldness of the snow falling gently on me, the coldness my heart having to wait until the warmth found me again. A warm liquid made its way down my temples and spread into my abdomen, creating a momentary blanket in the coldness.
I don't remember being on the ground before...the bright lights came...
      I lifted my hand with difficulty and scarlet painted my hand like a canvas. Then I realized what this warmth was. Blood. Blood seeping through my skin, blood entrancing me with its warmth. I was dying.
"Damnit!!" A distorted voice yelled far away, "Why didn't you use the breaks?!" Anger rose in the voice, indicating to another person.
      "I did! The roads are covered in ice! It's a miracle I stopped it before it ran him over!" The other yelled back, I distinguished this as a female voice, over the deeper one.
      Now I understood.
      I couldn't feel my legs, and sighed contently. I could've convinced myself that it was fine, I was going to be fine and this was only minor. Instead, fear took over. It fed on my vulnerability and didn't stop until I was near unconsciousness. I didn't care in the bit though, if I died today, I didn't care. And that was the scary part, because I knew I had to do something to fix this, do anything to fix it.
      I dropped my hand, and felt my midsection more carefully, trying to peer over my coat. I raised my hand once more and revealed more blood, trailing into my jacket, this time. Then the pain came in a wave, uncontrollable and sudden. I felt myself moan in pain while my body distorted to find a better position, only making it worse. My other hand felt around anxiously for my forehead, feeling the familiar warm liquid trailing down my face. Aggh!" I yelled this time, not holding back the unbearable crushing feeling inside my body and heart. I winced as the tears flowed out in a moments notice. My screams filled my ears and my head shattered with the unexplainable feelings of not pain, but longing and desire.
"A-Asuna..." I whispered to myself before the pain came back, in a harder, more heart wrenching way.
She wasn't coming, and it was all my fault.
I screamed again, this time not holding back any emotion or pain.
"Asuna!" My heart was gone, and she was my only hope, my last hope. "Asuna! Asuna Asuna asuna..." I chanted helplessly, knowing I was no where near her house, but continued anyway, like she would magically appear just as fast as she had disappeared. But to no fault, my cold lips were still saying the familiar phrase, my tongue in contact with the roof of my mouth was something so natural it scared me.
      By this time, the strangers noticed my moans and yells, and had immediately rushed over, one slipping on the ice as they came closer. But it was useless, I had already told myself I wouldn't fight for my life, That I wouldn't try to survive. I just tightened my grip on the blood around me, and gritting my teeth until the last of my energy was spent, and my vision darkened around me.
"Asu.....na" my blood painted the falling snow around me, with patterns and intricate designs. The pain subsided and my strength disappeared with my mind. The only feeling left was that of melting snow on my eyelashes and faint shouting in the background.
      Then everything was dark and silent.