Snow

Chapter Ten

When I got out of the cab, I had tears pouring down my cheeks and I could barely hold in the sobs as I rubbed away my tears roughly. The second one round had been wiped away, they were instantly replaced by even more. I had my arms wrapped around my waist tightly, holding myself together in the same way that Laura had been earlier.

Paying the cabbie, I sniffled back my tears and walked slowly over to the bus. My eyes felt sore and I could feel my makeup dripping down with my tears. I could tell I looked a mess, but I couldn't have cared less at that moment. Thomas was dead, and I'd never be able to see him again. I'd planned to visit him after seeing Laura, excited by the prospect of talking to him again after having been away for so long. But now, I couldn't.

As I stepped onto the bus, I tried to quieten my sobs as I collapsed onto my bunk. Burying myself in the covers, I pulled my headphones on and tried to block out my feelings with ear-numbingly loud music. That didn't stop the sobs, and it didn't stop the hurt, but at least I didn't have to hear myself break down.

My phone was buzzing in my back pocket, but I couldn't bring myself to see who was calling. After the third call, I pulled in from my pocket and threw it against the opposite wall, screaming into my pillow. I was a wreck, my throat raw from the sobbing and screaming, my eyes bright red and puffy, and my makeup smeared across both my face and pillow. I knew I should calm down and see who was calling - they'd all be worried if they couldn't get in contact - but I knew they'd think to check on the bus soon enough.

Over five minutes later, I froze at the sound of voices approaching. Crawling fruther under my covers, I kept myself out of sight and curled into a ball, biting into my arm in an attempt to keep from screaming out. It hurt so bad. My chest felt both achy and hollow, and I could practically feel my heart being torn to shreds.

"Is she here?" Someone asked, his voice thick with worry. I couldn't bring myself to care enough to figure out who was talking, just about focusing enough to keep my sobs at bay. I heard the door to the bunks open and didn't even bother to move, hiding my face slightly and letting out a new wave of tears.

When the covers lifted from around me, I whimpered and pulled my knees tighter, clenching my fists and pressing one against my mouth to keep them in. I felt an arm pulling me to sit up and I shook my head, trembling as I forced myself back to the bed. My eyes were still closed, tears clinging to my eyelashes as more continued to flow from my eyes. I whimpered again as a body folded up next to me, pulling me close and rubbing circles into my hand. "Don't." I whimpered, pulling myself away as images of Thomas flashed through my head.

I remembered the time when the three of us had gone to the beach, Tommy bringing his dog with him. We'd spent hours lounging around in the sun, running around and playing in the water. It had been the most fun we'd had together in months. When we'd finished at the beach, we had gone back to his house and spent the night talking and drinking and telling drunken stories. The memory was so clear in my mind that it felt as though I could still hear his laughter and the way his voice had sounded as he told us a story about him falling out of his treehouse. I curled tighter in my ball as I remembered laughing at him and telling him that we'd already heard the story three times.

I'd give anything to hear him tell it again.

*

I was in the bathroom, my head pressed against the side of the sink as I tried to keep myself from spewing my guts. I'd cried so much that I felt sick to the bottom of my stomach, and I'd thrown up the small amount of food I'd eaten that day. After a while, my stomach emptied and I found myself continuing to heave, nothing but bile coming out.

As the bus drove, I could physically feel my heart tearing into shreds at the distance being put between me and my best friend. We'd be stopping a town over, and I knew that we were going to the town Tommy had been buried in. As much as I wanted to go and see his grave, I knew that I wouldn't have time. The thought made me retch again, and I pulled myself to my feet with a groan.