Lost and Found

Chapter 2

*1 Year Ago*

"Yes Matt, I had already left my apartment I'll be there in less than twenty minutes." I spoke into the phone to one of my very closest friend and my colleague who was threatening me to drag me out of my apartment if I'll ditch them on the lunch we are used to have on last Sunday of every month. Matt, Irtiza, their wives and I have been doing this for couple of years now. So dropping the call I got inside my car and put the name of the new halal restaurant on GPS which Matt discovered and told all the rest of us to meet him for lunch there.

Since Matt and I became close as we both joined J.S.T Inc. together almost five years ago, we were used to spent good quality time together and got to our success level side by side, he was man of decent personality, humble, helpful, kind and always by your side and soon from friends we became closer like brothers, later our duo turned into trio through Irtiza, I met him three years ago in Washington during a workshop and it turned out that he just not live in New York but also lives near my place and that was the beginning of our friendship, Irtiza was one of those people who makes you believe that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, through him I met one of the most respectable Islamic Scholar Dr. Syed Abdullah Hameed who helped me out more than any one, helped me in understanding my beautiful religion more than I knew it, by just simple statements, he was the person in front of whom I opened myself and told him about my sins and guilt, confessing about my dreadful past I was used to hide from everyone, before meeting him I was used to offer namaz (obligatory prayers) and recite Quran with its meaning daily but the message was always left blurred inside my mind, and I was sure that Allah S.W.T is punishing me for all I have done, that it is hard for me to understand it but because of him I had the courage to hifz quran (Learning quran word by word) and I could not define the feeling when I learned and recorded the first lesson, I could not simply believe it, I still remember my conversation with Abdullah Bhai and I can't believe it's almost two years and I just took eighteen months to complete the learning, I can never forget that day, never.

"Wali would you do me a favor if I'll ask you too?" He said me one month before I decided to Hifz quran, we were sitting in his office of his Muslim Fund Organization.

" Obviously Abdullah Bhai what it is?" I looked at him with concern.

"Wali in past eight months all I have realized that you whole heartedly are ashamed of what you have done, you regret it and it takes whole lot courage to understand this, to understand what is right and what is wrong, to stand for it, to ask for forgiveness and you are like my son and I have seen you trying for it but you are still restless," He took my hands in his and it was then I realized that just some simple words but in a humble voice can shake your entire existence, I was trembling badly and my cheeks were wet with my tears which I wasn't able to control, the way he was saying and talking was making me weak, "You are not weak Wali," I looked up at him and he smiled, a smile you want to see on your father's face, "I want you to Hifz Quran, Wali." He said looking directly into my eyes.

"I... I cannot." I stuttered looking away from shame.

"Why not?" He asked humbly.

"I just couldn't." I was whispering, my voice was grave to my own ears.

"Try it son, you can." He tapped my hands as if reassuring me.

"I cannot, I have done too many sins, sins which disgust my existence, a person like me could never learn Quran, a tongue like mine could never learn those beautiful terms." I was crying harder now.

"Well then try yourself, if you would be able to learn it, it would mean your sins are forgiven that you have a chance and your heart is turning pure and if you wouldn't be able to, then ask for more forgiveness, Allah is very raheem, Wali, he loves us seventy times more than our mother does, when they could forgive us so why Allah wouldn't." He smiled at me.