The sapphire pendant and earring adorning my neck and ears were looking more beautiful every time I look at them, they are reminding me how full of hope and love his voice was, the way he closed his eyes, the way he was shifting his weight from one leg to another, the way he smiled when I took the box from his hands and the way his cold fingers brushed against my skin when he clasped the necklace and even the way he grinned widely when I stood in front of him wearing the most beautiful gift in such a lovable way. His voice was so promising at that time and in just past thirty hours he had made me so dependent on his presence that even when he left for namaz I eagerly waited for his return. I respect the way he is providing me space, time and letting me get used to of everything especially the way he comforted me last night with his words and then for hours I silently looked him painfully curled on the couch, where I was extremely thankful that he was sacrificing his comfort for me at the same time there was a part of me which a felt a fear of being rejected or what if he doesn't want a women who had already been used by someone, though I was his wife but he used me and the pain of that betrayal is still fresh and that is the same reason because of which I am not ready.
I am sorry, Wali.
"Khadija?" I heard him and a soft knock on the translucent glass door after few minutes when I was still stuck in the painful memory of my past, "Are you okay?" he worriedly asked again and I realized I might have cried a bit loud, my eyes were puffy red and my knuckles were cold and hurting due to the tight grasp I was having on the marble slab around the sink.
A trip to my past is always the most agonizing one but somehow I just found myself there.
"Khadija?" he knocked again and quickly turning on the tap I replied hiding my hoarse voice behind the noise of running water.
It took me a while to calm myself and once I was sober enough to face him I walked out of the washroom and drying my face I walked in the room where he was sitting on the couch his eyes on the papers and his pencil between his teeth and it reminded me of baba, the way he was used to unconsciously chew the end of the pencil while working and it was used to annoy me and mama to no end and now it's him but the fact that it is one of many habits that are similar to baba's. I heard once, chose a man who reminds you of your father because you need the care and love the first man of your life provided and I know that it is Wali, because there wasn't a thing Adnan did that reminded me of baba but I was stupid enough to continuously try to find hope in him.
We both got distracted, he from the papers scattered in front of him and I from silently observing him by the loud vibration of his cell phone and before he could look up at me I thanked Allah for not getting caught on gawking at him, shaking my head I walked towards the bed while he was talking and it seems like it is Javeria, even for knowing her for few hours I can tell that she trying to persuade him for something and he was sternly declining her, it reminded me of Jasir and how stubborn he become when it comes to convincing someone. I was missing them but as it was past midnight I decided to call them tomorrow, mama and dad arranged a family dinner tonight and it was such a beautiful feeling to meet all of his family who were loving and welcoming and made me enjoy every minute of this day. They all arrived sometime after asr and left an hour ago but there wasn't a moment that I felt I was new, it felt like home here, a feeling I realized I was missing from a long time.
The click of his finger brought me back to the present and I found him looking at me with an amused smile.
"I zoned out again, didn't I?" I sighed and he gave out a soft chuckle sitting on the edge of the bed careful of the distance between us, folding my feet I looked at him who was looking down. "I am sorry for zoning out again and again." I silently apologized for something I feel like I owed to him.
"Come on! You don't have to apologize for that!" He gave me out an assuring smile. Something stung inside me, I found myself comparing the two men again and I am doing that a lot and it feels like I am betraying Wali, he treats me like I am the most important person while the former only took the notice of my existence in front of his family.
"Wali?"
"Yeah?" I heard his reply and I can feel him looking at me but I can't meet his eyes.
After couple of seconds of gathering my thoughts and calming my mind which was clouded with memories I started speaking again, "I know you are trying hard to give me as much comfort as you can. I know that you want me to be relaxed and calm in front of you. I am sorry I am being so hard, I am sorry for taking the step back whenever you move towards me. It's stupid... I mean this would sound so stupid when I'll say that it's not you! It's me! It's all my insecurities, those six months I spend with him..." and before I could say anything I completely broke in front of him, it feels like I myself am scarring my already scarred body whenever I remember those days.
"Hey it's okay," I heard his whisper after couple of seconds, my eyes were shut but I felt him taking my shaky hands in his cold ones and I clutch on them as if my life is dependent on him and then I felt him slowly wrapping his arms around my shaking body, letting me sob on his chest and at that moment the heat radiating from his chest felt like life support.
After a long time I felt the need of having someone, to cry on someone else's shoulder, to have a support and he was my support. Though I had chachu and everyone else but that one person which Allah send us, on whom we can trust with our own life and our souls, for me after losing my parents I completely lost my share of those people but it feels like in Wali I have found that person again.
I was lost all this time but he had finally found me.
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A.O.A
You amazing people, how are you all? I kind of missed you guys, you should know it :P
Anywayss filler chapter but still do share your thoughts and let me know what you think about the story so far! Comment and Vote!
Zehra :)
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Lost and Found
Spiritual" And warn them of the day of intense regret, when the matter shall have been decided; and they are (now) in negligence and they do not believe." - Quran. There are very less of us who can pinpoint their own wrong deeds and even lesser who work ha...
