Lost and Found

Chapter 48

The most terrifying feeling is lying in your dark room, alone, feeling the darkness seeping in you as you try to breathe, getting hollow, and grasping your bed sheet in your fist as you try to hold on to your dear life because though you are alive you are dying inside and from past three days I was dying inside.

Turning on my side I placed my one hand underneath my pillow as I looked the dark sky outside, I ran my left hand on the empty side of the bed where she was supposed to be but isn't, Khadija and I haven't talked to each other after her outburst. That night she didn't come back but I knew she would be at Abdullah chachu's I didn't call that night either, I didn't have the power to. The next two days were more agonizing, she didn't come to office and I would contact Abdullah chachu to get information about her, her phone was continuously turned off and the ironic part was though we weren't in contact but our lies to the rest of family were in complete sync .

The third day I got to work earlier in hope that if she won't come I'll go myself to get her but she did and shut me down completely, as much as I was trying to get sometime alone with her she made sure that I failed and just like that the bridge kept on forming between us. That night when I finally reached back my frustration was making my head throb, but my feet froze when I noticed dinner placed on the table for me and I sprinted towards our bedroom only to find it completely deserted I searched for her around place and found her sleeping in the corner guestroom, farthest away from our bed room and standing at the doorstep I felt that I just lost everything.

With my leg spread on the L-shaped sofa I was waiting for Khadija to join me with our ice-cream bowls. It was a Saturday night and as our custom we were enjoying our ice-cream while watching a movie or just sitting together and talking, today we were watching something which was suggested to Khadija by one of her friends.

In the mid of the movie when the couple had the huge fight and ended up sleeping in different rooms, I nudged Khadija and she looked up at me, I smirked and asked, "Would you also leave our room whenever we'll argue?"

Rolling her eyes she looked back at the screen and replied, "I would never leave 'my' room because of our arguments but yes I would definitely make you sleep on the couch."

I smiled as I looked at her, kissing the crown of her head I whispered, "I am ready to sleep on couch but never leave the room."

"I won't let you come back on the bed,"

"I know how to make my way there," I replied with a smirk as I leaned to kiss the exposed skin of her shoulder.

I gasped out a breath as I kept looking at her back and finally with my defeated hands I closed the door back preparing myself to face her in the morning.

These days were getting more unbearable as every medical help I was trying to get was negatively responding, there was nothing I could do, I was painfully helpless.

The entire day today we hardly conversed, maybe two three syllables and now I was letting all the thoughts haunt me.

Finally giving up I pushed the covers off my body as I placed my feet on terribly cold floor and staring at them I gathered the strength to get up, pulling myself up I walked towards the en suite bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror I looked at my face, my over grown beard and the dark circles around my eyes and chapped lips. Turning on the tap I started performing wudu and I saw water dripping from my face, arms and feet I imagined getting washed away from my sins. I closed my eyes and called him, getting out of the washroom I picked the prayers mat placed in our room and went outside, with one of the lights glowing in the corridor and some downstairs in the living room and kitchen the rest of the apartment was drowned in darkness, slowly making my way downstairs I turned towards the living room but stopped right in my track , with her back on me Khadija was sitting on the floor staring outside the long walls, her legs were hugging her chest as her arms were wrapped around them with her chin placed on her knees. I found my fist getting tightened; she was lost in her world.

Taking a deep breath I asked Allah for strength, walked further towards her I placed prayer mat on the sofa and then getting near her I placed my hand on her shoulder, flinching she looked at me with terrified eyes.

"Come on let's offer tahajud," I whispered controlling my voice as I was sure my eyes were betraying me, she kept looking at my face like reading a book and then turning her head she faintly nodded and after few seconds she got up. Turning to go up she faced me and I took the moment to close the distance between us, pressing my lips with her temple as turned her head I made us stay together for few seconds before they slip away. Seconds later she took few steps back, she walked away leaving me to wait.

Almost half an hour later we both stood facing Allah, and after what feels like eternity every hair on my body was calling him today, reciting tauz and tasmia I started and felt the hair on my neck prickling as the realization dawned on me, that indeed it had been an eternity that I stood in front of him like I was meant to, that I was calling him the way I was supposed to, shiver ran across my body as I recited different surahs and ended the namaz.

"Ya Allah," I raised my hand and felt my hands shaking as I bit my trembling lips, my heart was beating erratically in my rib cage and my tongue was tied not able to form long words as the tears keep soaking my face, after so long I was feeling immensely closed to Him, incoherent words were coming out of my mouth and I knew He was understanding everything, He knew what I meant and He would make it better. The feeling I was having I knew that I had been missing it and now after such a long time it was shaking my core. I had no control over myself as I kept calling him.

I didn't have any idea that whether it was hours or minute but when I was exhausted I kept my hand down, I felt Khadija wrapping her arms around me, I forgot that she was there too, she pressed her cheeks on my arms as I interlinked our cold hands.

The heavy weight was finally lifted off my chest, as if Allah had taken away my entire burden and I was finally breathing again, all the pain and loneliness I was feeling from past few days was replaced from an unusual but needed tranquility. Both of us were finally at peace.  

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A.O.A

How are you all?

I know it's short but it's something... 

First of all, if you guys haven't noticed yet but we have crossed 30,000 reads! H.U.G.E! So THANK YOU! <3

Secondly I am kinda sorta not happy because the previous chapter barely got any feedback! LIKE WHERE MY PEOPLE AT???

Lastly we are so getting near to the end. It's gonna happen soon! Who knows we end this when we started? Next month Lost and Found would be an year old! Oh man! How the time flies :")

BTW, I wrote this chapter when I was supposed to study, my maa ain't happy :P So you guys please press that teeny tiny star and maybe comment too? 

Till the next time then...

TC,

Zehra :)