Lost and Found

Chapter 11

Colorless walls, colorless ceilings and a helpless me stuck with IV and a heart monitoring machine telling about my survival status. I had never felt so bored and so useless in my entire life, like I am feeling right now.

I should ask some interior designer to re-design this entire hospital.

Who left the hospital room so colorless, it's like they don't want patient to feel better but it's resemblance of death itself.

ASTAGHFIRULLAH I HAD NEVER BEEN SO PESSIMIST!

It had been more than ten hours that they brought me here and being alone here is driving me crazy, I almost begged the doctors to let me go so I could go to work, it's just second day and I had tied myself to a bed. Ya Allah! Where is Sabih? Because of him I am stuck here, I still hope he haven't called anyone at home though I made him promise after a lot of arguing and mostly him screaming but at the end I was able to convince him and I am sure he hasn't called to dad or anyone for that instance yet, but I am not sure how long he would keep himself quiet.

Soon I became tired of cursing him and the situation and myself, I started thinking about my health condition, the lies I have spoken because of it and lying here I never understand it much better than I do now, that no matter how much I deny I am scared of death but more than that I am scared of being useless, what if I would have agreed to the surgery all those years ago when I first found about it and what if it wouldn't have been successful?

FLASHBACK

The water underneath was clear and beautiful, the blue ocean was calmly supporting my surf board and the girls on the shore were cheering for us, the sky was clear and it was indeed a beautiful day, it was summer 2006 and this year all of us planned a vacation in Hawaii instead of going back to our homes. As bunch of twenty-two year olds, we all were having time of our lives, a bonfire on beach every night, and flirting under the sunshine all day and let's not forget controlling ourselves over tides. As soon as I got back to the shore a brunette, I really didn't remember her name but as we met last night at the club she had been with me since then, she came forward and wrapping her arms around me she pecked my lips and from the corner of my eye I could feel Jeanine looking at us and her forest green orbs burning with hatred so smirking I did what I do best, I picked the brunette up and twirl her around and she squealed where I was busy enjoying a moment I was sure I had broken her, again. I was too busy enjoying my arrogant self that I kept pushing the heaviness I was feeling in my head, taking it for migraine which I thought it was I kept sitting there, and another reason was if I make my way to the cabin we have rented for taking my pills I'll come across a sobbing girl and obviously I didn't want to face her, when you cause someone pain; facing them is the last thing in your list. But soon my head start throbbing and I managed to get up with all the energy I could gather and tried to make my way towards the cabin, with every step I was taking my legs felt like they are made of jelly, the world around me started spinning, maybe I just took too much alcohol, yeah that's it! But who am I kidding? I know that it's not it, the pain is nothing normal it something big. And it was, before I could call for help or just say something I feel my vision getting blurry and soon the dimness was replace by darkness and the last thing I remember was, I wasn't on my leg, I fell down.

The next thing I could remember was I found myself on a hospital bed rather than the sea shore, instead of the salty smell of the ocean there was smell of bleach, a specific smell of hospital which had always make me nauseas. I tried getting up and calling my friend but felt stinging pain in my head and sweat were formed on my body, making me groan in pain. Soon the doctors were in the room asking me numerous questions, they didn't let any of my friends inside because they weren't family and after asking questions they left me hanging. Next they came after couple of hours and ask me to call someone from my family but after a lot of arguing and stubbornness they decided to tell me instead and that's when I came to know about the clots, there were five in total, according to the doctor it's a miracle I was still surviving and even a bigger miracle I was normally living on my two limbs, one of the clots was an inch bigger in length, so they were forcing me to have an emergency surgery and the piece of information was same as someone has thrown cold water on me, the clots were the reason of some injuries I had that's where I lied to the doctors about having an accident, while in reality I was reminded of the person I loathe, he didn't just gave me scars on my body he made sure he gave me a permanent disability! I was used to having pain but I always thought of it as a simple migraine but it was always a sign of my great loss, a tear of misery fell from my eyes and that's when I hated my luck and my existence even more than I already do.