the girl named winter

| 05 |

f i v e
d a y s
b e f o r e

It's no use.

Spending a day with Rey at the hospital didn't help my attempt into truly forgetting about Blue.

Call me cruel, but I know we're over.

I think about him all the time and with each second passing by, my heart contracts because I know I can't go back and chase him.

I think about him, and about me, and about how happy we were, and how we'll never be the same again.

I think about how we spent nights talking to each other and how it all started with a paper plane.

I think about how all my hopes were crushed just because he didn't believe I would stay with him.

Maybe he was right.

Maybe I was going to leave all along.

Maybe I was never the right girl suitable for him.

Maybe he cares about me too much that he doesn't want me to be surrounded by a rapist.

Maybe he loves -

Flora, I would remind myself. He loves Flora.

And I love him.

And now it's time to forget him.

It's time to forget him because I can't deal with how he hides his past from me and how I can't deal with mine.

It's time to erase the moments we had from existence.

Because he doesn't care anymore.

And therefore, I also shouldn't.

But deleting his number is useless, because deep inside me, I still memorize his phone number by heart.

And so after debating with myself when I got home from our 'date,' I send Blue a message.

You deserve to be happy :)