At three in the morning,I woke up with a sudden feeling of nausea.Its been a couple of days since it died down a bit but its back again now.Only that,this time,I vomited terribly.There was a bathroom in my room,I rushed to it immediately.I then cleared the sink,gargled a few times and went back to my bed after turning on the lights.My stomach hurt so badly that I was scared I might possibly give birth to the child right NOW.Suddenly,I felt so immature in this area.You know,being a mother is a huge deal.Its not just about bearing a child inside,getting it out to this beautiful world,nourishing it, sending it to school and seeing it grow.There is something more to it than just that.Its a bond,a salient bond.There were so many things I wanted my mother to be and so many times when I've thought how easily I could be a far better mother than my mom.Well yes,even now,I'm more than confident about it.But the thing is,every time I thing of this child,Virat's face comes flashing in front of me and I begin to hate the world,my pathetic life and everything around me.What makes me scared is that,what if I begin to hate my child too?I don't want to make its life miserable like how mine has become.I wanna love him/her from the deepest of my heart and shower her with all the love I wish I could get.I want to make her life beautiful and never let her feel like its better off to die than live a life like this.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath,letting the tears flow down my cheeks.All of a sudden,I could feel someone's hand squeezing my palms.I looked up and found Kabir sitting next to me.
"Are you ok?",he asked.
I kept silent and stared down at the mosaic floor.
"Sorry,that was really a stupid question.You wouldn't be crying if you were ok."
I chuckled through my tears and said,"Its ok,I...was just.."
"Its alright,Aarthi.You don't have to give any explanations.I understand."
I got up and walked to the window.It was pretty dark outside but I could see the water hit the rocks.It was a half moon day and it looked so beautiful as it drizzled a bit,giving the night a picturesque look.
"Beautiful,right?",kabir said,standing next to me.
I nodded but kept mum.
"Aarthi,I don't know what you are going through but there is one thing that I know.You are a brave and sweet girl.You know who you are and you surely know what you are worth."
"How can you say that?I can hardly find myself in me anymore."
"I can say that,for sure.Cause if you thought you were worthless,you wouldn't be here at all.You possibly left your family and ended up here because you yearn for something in life.You dream for something and you know you are worthy enough to get it.And I think thats really brave of you to think so.You are what,about seventeen or eighteen years?I bet I wouldn't have had the guts to run after my dreams in your age."
He paused for second and continued,"I don't know what you were crying for and I don't have to know either.But let me just tell you one thing,don't drown yourself in self-pity.Whatever has happened to you has happened and there is nothing you can do to reverse it all.But don't let the person who made this happen to you see you suffering and losing your own self.You are who you are,no matter what happens in your life.Remember,you are here only because of who you were.That wonderful YOU."
He held me by my chin and made me look into his eyes.
"And YOU,are the most beautiful and plucky girl I have ever met.Don't lose yourself."
That was so really reassuring.The sort of lines and the sort of words that gave me a trigger of hope in life.He made me see who I am.He literally reminded me of the OLD Aarthi,the girl whom everyone so easily fell in love with.Of course,I'm not gonna ruin my life for someone who has left me or for someone to whom I or my love didn't matter at all.If I could bear the pain of being alone at the age of six,the I can sure as hell bear the loss of VIrat.After all,I've known him for what,four months?And,I'm not alone now.I have Meghna,nani, and now,my baby and Kabir.I took the decision of leaving that house,I chose Virat to be my boyfriend,I chose to lose my virginity to him and now I'm more than ready to face its consequences,no matter how hard its gonna be.Is that not what I had been telling myself when I was fighting for my dreams?
YOU ARE READING
Blinded by love
Teen FictionAarthi,the passed out twelfth grader who has come out with flying colors is an ambitious and philosophical young lass.She grows up to be an independent women,dealing with the perplexity of life all by herself.Although she trained herself to be flex...
