Blinded by love

Chapter 33-Hardest goodbye

I sat on my bed,late that night,wondering what to do of this new problem that has come up now.The full moon gorgeously glowed,brightening the night sky.Nothing bad can happen on a beautiful day like this,but it has.I honestly don't know what to do.Why does life have to be so tough,so realistic that it can never ever be perfect.I wish I can magically enter into the fairytale world and live the most pristine life ever.

I felt my head turning heavy with tension and I moved my gaze away from the nothing that I was staring at.I have to take a decision,if not for me,atleast for the sake of Maaya.I thought about what Kabir had told.He had told that Virat deserves a chance,a chance to explain himself.I did love him for his character,his thought of making others happy and comfortable,right?Then why have I now lost all the trust,love and care I had for him?Didn't I once wish it had been Virat who had come in search of me instead of my parents?Didn't I wish he should be happy if not with me,atleast with someone else?Then,why am I not ready to give him a chance to talk?To explain himself?

I shook my head,trying to shake away the most reasonable questions that my mind was asking me.The only answer I have is,I'm scared.Scared that he might somehow convince me and I,like an idiot would fall in love with him all over again.And put the life of mine and Maaya's in danger.That's the last thing I want from my life,for Lord's sake.That bastard doesn't deserve a chance,for all the nonsense he did to me.He tried to kill my child,our child.He is more or less a murderer.He just DOES NOT deserve to even live,let alone a chance to talk.

Anger fumed inside me but I knew,deep inside,that I can do nothing with it.I knew that I have to run for my life,once again.The first time I ran for a change,my life became better as I found Meghna even if it had given me a bad phase.The second time I ran for my life,it gave me Maaya,my darling angel and a big,awesome family.This time,lets hope for another betterment.I turned around and the picture of Meghna,Kabir,Laila and I with Maaya caught my eye.My eyes immediately filled with tears,blurring my vision.I took the photo and hugged it to my chest and controlled the pain it caused to even think of leaving them.With it in my hands,I walked to the cupboard and without giving a second thought,I pulled out my suitcase and threw in all my dresses,Maaya's things and my books.Just then,I found my favorite book of Psychology which I had brought with me from Chennai-The Happiness Hypothesis.It reminded me of the days when I was so much in thirst to learn more,experience more and make my dreams turn into reality.The days when I felt young,brave and the I'd-live-my-life-the-way-I-want times.It ultimately led to the thought that my goal in life has changed.I feel older,less ambitious and scared.Scared for just about anything.Though my craving for Psychology is still fresh and new,I've long lost the belief that I can make them all come true.I hugged the book and the photo close to myself and no longer bothered to control my tears.I wept,letting the tears of fear,pain and yearning flow down my cheeks.I want a start,a clean slate,a chance to reverse my mistakes and live a new life.For which,I need answers.Answers to all the questions that were left unanswered ever since I was a little girl.Why did everything have to be so wrong in my life?Why was I always let to suffer while everyone around me was flushed with happiness?I will find answers,I will.If I need a new start,a new life then I need the answers and I will get to them.

After packing all my things,I sat down to write a letter.I was leaving and they deserve to know how much they mean to me and how much sorry I am that I'm leaving them like this.I just have to sneak out or they just won't let me go alone.I need a life,a one created by myself with the bad past buried dead.

Dear Meghna,Kabir and Nani,

I know you guys are now possibly wondering where I am.This is to let you know that I'm leaving...Leaving Tarkarli,you all and the wonderful life you helped me build.Nothing has ever pained me so much in life.I didn't feel this bad and hurt even when I had to leave my own parents.You people mean so much to me that I really am speechless to put it in words.I'm really sorry that I'm sneaking out like this with Maaya but I got no other choice.I want a new life,a new start.This is all being too much for me to bear.Everyday,atleast once,I just can't help but wonder where I went wrong to have such a hideous life.You have given me a superb life,supporting me through everything and I'm forever and ever grateful to you for that.But please do understand my yearning for a new life,a life which will never remind me of the bad past.Guys.....Don't hunt for us and don't worry about us.We'll be fine,we will.And Meghna,I want you to talk to Abi,please.Enough guys,move on with your life.Enough of your sacrifices for my worthless life.Move on,make a life for yourself.If you love me,you will.And....Nani!I have no idea how'd I'd survive without you.Just....Thank you for being with me.Thank you soo much.I love you all.