Blinded by love

Chapter 38 - Opportunities

I froze.I don't know why I froze.Its not like I was not expecting this to come.I knew,deep down my heart,I just knew.But I was only just trying to avoid the warning signs that flickered in front of me ,stopping me from trying to be myself again.It was he who helped me get back to my own self,get a decent living in this huge city and manage my everyday routine.I can hardly imagine being this relaxed and free without Akash but that doesn't mean I love him.'Oh yeah,really!!!',my mind screamed at me.'Then what were the chills all about?Then why the heck aren't you moving now,you fool?He's the one....go for it!'

As if he were a stranger,I pushed Akash and rushed to the bedroom before my mind manipulated me.I couldn't love him,not truly.I don't deny the chills and the smiles he brings but my heart still longs for Virat.No one can fill his place.He left me two and a half years back,is probably married and has kids but I really can't throw him out of my life and go with someone else.I don't want to be a second hand piece to anyone.It may not be wrong.I'm young,reasonably good looking and still capable of making a proper family for myself but I don't want that.No matter how angry I am at Virat,I still love him.He hurt me,tried to hurt our child and made me face a phase of living hell.He was not there when I needed him the most.How I wish he was there when my parents came to visit me in Tarkarli.How I wish he was there when I had to go through that terrible pain of labor,how I wish he was there when I had to meet my mother after two long years.....but he wasn't.He was possibly out there chilling with his wife and children.Yet....I love him.Maybe I'm a fool,I sound lame or I have lost my mind but I can't deny the feelings I still have for him.Sometimes,I can feel his touch,his smell and the way he looks into my eyes before he kisses me....He was the one but if I was not lucky enough to have him,then I prefer being like this,alone with my daughter.I probably won't accept him in my life again but I wouldn't let anyone else fill his place either.Knowing that he tried to kill Maaya and me,I'm no fool to let him in again.I love the Virat I first met and even now,I'm trying to reason out with my brain that there was some reason behind him ditching me.

Akash touched my hands,scaring me as I was oblivious of his presence.He knelt down in front of me and sandwiching my hands between his,his touch gentle and untainted.He was searching for an answer but was surprised to see tears in my eyes.

I looked at him,watching his loving expression change into a serious look of concern."Why me,Akash?".He smiled and said,"You are lovely,Aarthi.....You have no idea what effect you have on people...."

"I'm hopeless...my life is hopeless.I'm a used piece....I spoiled my whole life....I'm twenty,not even a graduate yet,a mother who is unmarried....How..."

"I don't care about your past.I love you for who you are,not for what you have.That doesn't mean I'd force you to say yes.I'll accept a no...we can still be friends.Maybe this is just a crush....or maybe you are not the one!If its a yes,I'll be extremely happy...."

'Say yes!!!!',my mind shouted,jumping in excitement.I closed my eyes and thought for a moment.

"Its a...no!I'm sorry Akash.I have a messed up past and I don't think I'm properly over it yet.I like you very much but its not love.I'm sure its not.Lets be friends like we've always been.You have done so much for me than you can imagine....thank you so much for that.It means a lot...but this,I can't accept.I'm sorry.I'm not the one.Your true love is waiting for you out there,dreaming about you every night.Wait for her....I'm sure you'll find her one day."

His smile didn't fade.He was still smiling and I could see tears glimmering in his eyes.For the first time,I could see something more than just a crazy,funny and carefree Akash.

"You're right.....You know what,your true love is real lucky to have a fate which has you in it.You are one awesome girl!Don't let anyone make you believe anything other than that."I smiled.