Chapter 29
I went closer to her house. There was this feeling in my stomach. I was scared. After such a conversation, I didn't know how to make it up to her. I mean, her child is missing. Of course she would snap at me. I should've known and not pushed her to the side. I need to catch her before she lets herself fall because of something little and stupid. I pushed on the gas button to go faster. Something wasn't right. When I neared her appartment, I saw that the lights were off. Where could she be? The feeling in my stomach started to get worse so I parked the car and ran towards her house. I went up the stairs very fastly and knocked on her door when I got to her house. I knocked not loud, not to scare her. After a few seconds I knocked again when I didn't hear anything. My patience was running away slowly so I told myself that I would knock one more time before I break the door open. But before I could knock again, I heard a beautiful voice saying my name.
"Kamal?" I heard faintly again. Her voice sounded scared and I felt like she had been crying for a long time. I knocked on the door again, wanting to see her.
"Its me Manar, open the door" I said and for a moment I didn't hear a thing but I felt that she was behind the door.
"I can't.." I heard her say after a few minutes. Her voice sounded so weak and I wanted nothing more than to put a smile on her face. I sat down against the door at her opposite, because I knew she was sitting there.
"Why Manar?" I asked her after a while. The tension between us was bugging me and I didn't want to be like this with her. Not when I needed her to be strong to find Karim.
"He could be with you" I heard her half-whispering. The blood in me started to boil. How could she think I would betray her? I would do nothing that would hurt her intentionally. I punched the door with my fist and let my hand stay there.
"Don't you trust me?" I asked her. She was quiet for a while. I knew that I couldn't say something wrong that would hurt her more, especially when she didn't even know who she could trust anymore.
"I do.. And that's what I'm scared of. I used to.. I was keeping my eyes always open in the past. Didn't trust anyone but laughed with everyone. Then.. Then that night happened. The night that is haunting me still every second. The night that ruined my life. The night that tore me apart. The night that made my heart turn into a cold stone, that was freezing my body from the inside. But then you came. You came and the only light in my darkness vanished with it. I- I just.. I don't know anymore" she said, sobbing quietly. I got up and put my hand on the doorhandle.
"Open the door, Manar" I said. She took a few seconds before opening and when she did, she looked at me with teary eyes. There were bags under her eyes and she looked way too pale for her tan skin. I took a step towards her, wanting her to stop crying but she took a step back. It was like as if she was thinking that I would hurt her.
"I'm not gonna hurt you" I said, being very sure. She nodded before she closed her eyes. I took a step closer and she opened her eyes. Then she walked over to me and threw her arms around me that caught me off guard. I closed the door behind me and put my arms around her too. She started shaking and I knew she was crying.
"I am going to take him back. Its not my fault that he is gone, but I can bring him back" I said and she shook her head.
"I hate it that I have to be strong, because I can't do it anymore. I've been strong for such a long time already" she said, letting go of me. I didn't let go of her. I wouldn't.
"You don't always need to be strong Manar. Hey, look at me" I said when she turned her head to the side. Then she looked me deeply in the eyes and for the first time, I saw how tired and hurt she really was.
"Crying isn't showing weakness, Manar. Even though people have taught you that, crying is not showing weakness. Crying is showing emotion. Showing that your heart isn't a cold stone. Showing that you are only human. You can cry, but cry your heart out by the right people. Not by the people who could recognize your weakness, who could recognize what made your heart cry and can use that against you. You can always cry by me" I said and she closed her eyes again. Then she put my arms from around her and let go. She walked over to the living room and I put off my shoes and went to her. She had some paper in her hands. They were white. All of them were white. She came over to me and threw the little notes in the air.
"I am not crying til Karim is here Kamal. I am not showing any emotion til he is here, in my arms" she said angrily. I grabbed the notes from the floor and started reading. 'In the middle of the night will these memories haunt you, til you wake up in the morning and you wish you had peace' I turned the back of it and started reading 'but you won't have peace. Not now, not ever'. I grabbed another one 'look what you've done, to the both of us. And who is paying? He'. I threw that one on the floor and grabbed another one. 'All the times that I thought it was a dream.. I will make it up to you by showing the movie of nightmares'. Chills went down my spine. This guy was a psycho. I grabbed another one 'he is fine, but you won't be'. I grabbed them all tore them apart. Little pieces of paper were surrounding the both of us. When I realized that, I looked at Manar. She was looking at the pieces of paper. She slowly sat down on the floor and hugged her knees. I turned around. I needed to get out of there. I needed to get some air to breathe properly. And that air was making that guy regret every single word he wrote on these notes...
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Salaam guys, I am back! In these few weeks that I didn't write I gathered a lot of inspiration and motivation to write and I am ready for updates again. I was really tired and school and this new life really got to me but I managed to heal myself a bit. I still need time to figure some stuff out but half of the work is done. I really tried to write a long chapter. This chapter took me two hours to write and even though I wanted to continue, I couldn't because my head really started hurting. I love you guys! <3
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SERENDIPITY (Islamic Story)
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