Chapter 69
I didn't know where to go. I didn't want to go to Lynn, since her parents wouldn't accept. I wanted to go to Thea, but she has done so much for me already. Loneliness was a horrible feeling and I hated it. Knowing that you have no one to turn to is the worst feeling. No roof, no one to talk to- just nothing. I figured that I had no choice and made my way over to the busstop to go to Thea.
"So, you are saying that all this time he was lying?" she said with a confused face. I sipped the tea before nodding. Never ever had I thought that he would be what they warned me about. I always thought that Kamal was different since he gave off that vibe. He always said wise things that made my heart melt and regret for thinking wrongly. Karim walked over to me while wiping his hands on my face. He bit his upper lip and was confused on seeing his mommy crying.
"Nothing wrong Karim, this will be the last time you see me like this" I said, while standing up. I asked Thea for where I could pray and she showed me. I had a hard time concentrating during the prayer. My mind was just filled with Kamal and his betrayal that my heart hurt.
"Ya Allah, I know you give with a reason and take with a reason when we least expect it. I thought that Kamal was a guiding light in the darkness that you sent me. Guess you sent him to teach me other things. Please, take this pain away from my heart, since I really can't take it anymore. Give me patience, cause my patience is almost gone. You are the Almighty, the All-Knowing. Please, ya Allah, I beg of you, please help me" I cried into the air when I was done with praying. I thought of the times I wasn't grateful enough and knew that this was a punishment from Allah.
"Manar, there is someone in front of the door, he won't go away" Thea said which made me roll my eyes. I folded the scarf that she gave me to pray on and walked towards the living room.
"Tell him that I will never talk to him" I said but she shook her head.
"I said stuff that was even worse than that but he won't just go away" she said. I stood up, walking towards the door for the sake of Thea. She didn't need this problem nor did she have to keep up with me being stubborn. I opened the door with a stern face, that was quickly washed away when I looked into his blue eyes, only for a second. I pulled myself up and raised an eyebrow.
"Shouldn't you be with your wife right now?" I said, putting my nose up in the air. He rolled his eyes which made me annoyed. How dared he?
"We need to talk" he said, but I put my hand in front of me, mentioning for him to stop.
"We have nothing to talk about. I will fill in the divorce papers tomorrow so you could marry her officially, though I don't even know if ours was real" I said to him with a monotone voice. He just looked at me with his little eyes that I couldn't read. The thought of Hafsa being able to look into his eyes made my heart ache. I looked away, knowing that I wasn't allowed looking at him anymore.
"Ours was official, real" he said after a moment. I looked at him, asking what else there was left to talk since we didn't have anything going on anymore.
"Manar, please, just let me explain" he said, looking worn than ever. I had never seen him tired like this. Sure, it must've been tired explaining to anyone how I was a fake situation and Hafsa, my cousin, wasn't.
"No. I have let you talk so many times. Every time you were right, but this time you can't be. You won't be. You know I don't even care about being humiliated in front of them. I was standing in front of my family, talking about you and me, as a couple, which we clearly never were. The look on my parents face still haunts me but I try to forget about it. I have been the 'worst child' quite some time before so I know how to lock them out. I don't care about anyones opinion, but I did about yours. I came to you when I had a problem, even though I sometimes felt bad for doing. Everything about you was so mesmerizing to my soul that I couldn't stop myself from thinking about you" I said, starting to confess my real feelings.
"The way you helped me was a way no one would've ever done and it is hard to believe that it was all fake. There I was, dreaming about your blue eyes while she was there, knowing they belonged to her. Here I was, thinking of how soft your hair felt in my hands, yet she was over there knowing she could wake you up every single morning by carressing your hair. Here I was, thinking of how undescribably perfect your lips felt against mine, yet she was there thinking of how she would be able to kiss you every. single. second. I feel so, so stupid and ignorant. So worthless and crazy for even thinking of that" I said while flipping out. I had closed the door behind me and was standing in front of him. He was just looking down at me without any emotion, while I was bubbling from the inside because of my confession.
"Just listen, please its not what you think its-" I didn't let him finish.
"It was a mistake. Its not what you think. Blabla. Isn't that what everyone would say? You decided to stab me from my back while marrying the sister of the one who took my life, my virginity, my dignity, my family. But why am I even telling you? Why would you care? You were in this from the beginn-" this time, he wasn't letting me.
"It was not. Its not a game like you think" he said, not making sense. I didn't believe a single word he said.
"Karim was finally having a father figure in the picture. You ruined that chance" I said. He started looking down when I mentioned Karim. Good, feel bad about it.
"And the worst of it all was, and still is, is that I lo- no, no you don't deserve to hear that. You ruined that chance" I said while turning around and knocking on the door. Kamal grabbed my arms and even though it sent sparks all over my body, I shook him off. He didn't do anything anymore and I went inside, closing the door without turning around. The tears started to come up and I felt horrible for confessing, yet it felt like a weight was lift off of my shoulders. In the end, I needed it to let it out someday.
~
I put my head against the door, knowing that I messed up big time. Her scent was lingering and I took it all in, not wanting to let it vanish in the air. Her scent did me good and I felt secure for a second. I knew this would happen but I thought that when she came to know about it, it was me who told her. The fact that she came to the fake wedding made my heart ache and I didn't know how she could still act so strong. Her eyes that held such a pain made me want to beat the person who caused it but I knew that it was me. I took in her scent, whispering the words that I wanted her to know for such a long time, but I ruined that chance.
"I love you too, more than you can imagine"
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MY POOR HEARTSDKJFNSKJGH
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SERENDIPITY (Islamic Story)
Spiritual[Previously known as 'Have you'] Have you ever felt so alone? Have you ever felt like they stabbed you in your back? Have you ever thought you were going to be a victim of rape? Have you ever felt like you can't even trust family? Have you...
