Chapter 64
"You can't, with Nourdin and stuff. Its dangerous" he said while the little boy slowly woke up. He looked at me and then at Kamal, and started crying. Kamal went over to him and hugged him. The boy was hugging him back but his arms were awkwardly holding his shoulder and they were so thin, that it looked like it was only bone and skin.
"He doesn't even know how to hug.." I whispered to myself, feeling horrible. The kid needed love, needed warmth. Not the hospital scent. Suddenly I heard a sound and turned around to see a nurse coming in with a tray of food. She came and sat down next to the boy. I went over to her.
"I'll do it" I said while taking the food from her. She was a bit annoyed but gave me anyways. I sat down on the bed and waited for the kid to calm down.
"Sshht, calm down Kalil. She is very nice" he said and the boy was staring at me the whole time. I smiled at him, but his eyes didn't. I think it was normal for him to be scared of me, since he never really sees anyone- let alone a girl with a hijab. My hand went slowly towards him and he started flinching back, but eventually stopped when I started to put my hand through his hair. His mouth went open and I could see that he was very confused. I kept on caressing his head, trying to win his trust. He started smiling after a while and soon the laugh came too. He started laughing and was looking at Kamal and then again at me. Kamal let go of him and let him lean back against the bed. I grabbed the tray of soup and put it in my lap. My hand went to his mouth with a spoon full of soup. He didn't want to open his mouth but eventually did when Kamal gave him a look. I started feeding him and he let me, which made me happy.
"Shall we go?" Kamal asked me when I was done with feeding Kalil and was just sitting there watching him. He was just acting very random and was talking nonsense. I nodded, not being able to move. I didn't want to leave him here but I knew he wasn't very safe with me either. I stood up and put on my jacket, while walking towards Karim. I grabbed him and he stirred a bit but kept on sleeping. This boy was always sleeping like a bear. Kamal came over me and grabbed him from me, since he was starting to get heavy.
"Come on" he said. I wanted to say bye to Kalil but Kamal kind of pushed me out of the room.
"Why did you do that?" I asked him. He just kept looking forward.
"He will start crying when you say goodbye" he said and I nodded. I grabbed his free hand and intertwined our fingers. I wasn't sure about it since I didn't want to force him into anything but him holding it back said enough for me. We were walking down the hall and came to the centre of the hospital where it was crowded. Kamal suddenly let go of my hand. I looked over to see if he was going to do anything but he didn't. His hand was just next to his body, completely free. That hurt me a bit, since I didn't know why he did it. Maybe he just didn't want to hold my hand and just hold it for a few minutes so I wouldn't get mad. We went over to his car and he put Karim in the back while I went to sit in the front. He came and sat down too and there was an awkward tension. Out of nowhere, he grabbed my hand, holding it. I tried to let go but his grip was tight.
"Don't think things like that" he said, not even looking at me. I didn't understand what he meant but I didn't want to ask either, since I knew I would start a ridiculous fight when I started talking.
~
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes after I had dropped of Manar to her house. I felt very tired and I knew I would fall asleep if I didn't move. I didn't know why I let Manar knew about my brother and kind of regretted it. The more she knows about my family, the sooner she would find out everything. I was already tired of everything and her being mad at me would make everything worse. I didn't need another load, since I had a lot already. I knew she was mad that I let go of her hand but I really didn't want to think about it. Its the least that mattered and she should know that I won't hold hands in a hospital that is basically ruled by my father by money. She knew no one knew about us and I'd like to keep it that way. If only Nourdin would vanish from the Earth and everything would be so much easier. I started driving home, knowing that I was going to have a spoonful from my father.
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Happy Ramadan everyone!
Don't forget to take out the best of it!
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SERENDIPITY (Islamic Story)
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