There were always times in my life where I felt bad. Where I felt like crap. Where I felt sad. Where I felt nothing.
When I turned 14, those periods of time became longer. The feelings became worse.
Occasionally, there were good days.
Occasionally.
For the past few months, I had felt every terrible emotion at the exact same time as I had felt nothing. I had become destructive. I hurt myself more than anyone hurt me.
Then I went to school and smiled.
And no one noticed a thing.
"Cait, why do you spend so much time in your room," my mother asked the other day, "why don't you hang out with your friends anymore?"
Just trying to minimize the damage. I thought.
I was lonely. I was sad.
Depressed, really.
Suicidal, even.
I decided I would kill myself.
All I wanted was one last happy time. One last Christmas.
So I decided on December 26th.
"I'm going to kill myself, Bradley," I told my "friend" the night I decided.
It was Halloween. He had shown up at my house. He was drunk. He wanted me to come with him, to egg the neighbors. He'd done this every holiday for over a year.
We weren't really friends. Not anymore.
We had once been so close.
When I started to hurt, to hurt myself badly, I pushed him away.
I knew he was the only one who would notice. I didn't want him to stop me. I wanted to hurt. I wanted to pay.
"Maybe you should start making a guest list," he said before throwing an egg at the house in front of us, not paying much attention.
"A guest list," I asked.
"Yeah, ya know," he shrugged, "for the people who will come to your funeral."
I decided it wasn't a bad idea. I could say goodbye to them.
It was time for me to say goodbye.
YOU ARE READING
R.S.V.P.
Krótkie Opowiadania"Cait, why do you spend so much time in your room," my mother asked, "why don't you hang out with your friends anymore?" "Just tying to minimize the damage," I thought ** At sixteen, Caitlyn Ellis has decided to kill herself. She's made up her mind...
