Different || Troyler AU

C H A P T E R : THIRTY

•• Falling Demon ••

TROYES POV:::::::::::::::

I had turned off the shower a few minutes ago and was now getting dressed, I wore a black hoodie and plain black shirt under it although I zipped up my hoodie so it didn't matter what shirt I wore anyways, black jeans and my black socks.

Guess I was dressing to match my mood.

I lean over the sink to look at myself in the mirror, I make sure it doesn't look like I was crying, it doesn't which is good.

I scruff my hair up a bit and sigh, it'll never look good in anything I swear.

I stare into my eyes, look at that pain...

I gather up my shit and walk out, noticing that everyone in the living room is talking, I'm not sure if they are still talking about me but I don't care to be honest, I think that they know that I want to be alone right now.

Whenever I think I what to be alone I really just want someone to comfort me.

But I've been too needy lately.

They've all seen me cry too many times now.

I don't want to add another time that they will see me cry to that list.

I remember back to when I barely talked, showed no emotion and was basically a blank canvas. And now I'm this emotional hormonal teenager.

What changed?

Nothing. I was still sad all the time with suicide thoughts running through my thoughts, but I guess I speak now.

And I guess I had people who cared about me now.

I sigh as I catch Tyler eyes but look away as I walk into my room and close the door, I lock it with the lock Ashton wanted to remove but forgot.

I guess it's coming in handy now.

I lean against the door and close my eyes, thinking about all the shit that happened to me.

Why can't my life be normal?

Why can't I be normal?

I lie down on my bed and stare at the ceiling and count the cracks in the paint.

I turn on my side and stare at the blank wall with a desk in front of it and groan.

I'm bored.

I take the pills on my bedside that I put there a few nights ago, I had been taking the bipolar ones everyday, but I hadn't touched the anxiety and anti-depressants.

The side effects said they would make me tired, plus the anxiety ones said may cause panic attacks, isn't that what they are meant to help stop?

I remember back to when the boys wanted to keep the pills with them cause they didn't trust me, to be honest I wouldn't trust me either, but I had told them if they didn't let me keep them with me then I wouldn't take them.

They need to be more careful.

I pick them up and look at the labels, the anxiety one says take one every four hours and the anti-depressant one says take every morning and evening.

I already took my bipolar ones this morning.

I unscrew the cap and pop one of the anxiety ones in my mouth before swallowing it dry. I then take out an anti-depressant and take it dry too, I cringe cause it feels rough against my throat.

I swallow and close my eyes a bit.

I look at the anti-depressants in my hand and take out another one, I put it on my tongue and swallow it.