Different || Troyler AU

C H A P T E R : TWENTY-FIVE

•• Trapped Demon ••

TROYES POV:::::::::::::::

As soon as I tell David that he rubs his eyes and gestures for the boys to come into his house, I walk in as well as they go into the lounge room.

"Why are we at sirs house?" Tyler whispers into my ear as he sits down.

"Just listen okay?" I say as I get up to leave the house, I can't stay their to see them leave me.

Nobody will want to stay after the find out what I am, what I am apart of. I'm sure the other demons aren't like me, but I can't be sure. What if they are all bipolar freaks that are aggressive and depressive?

What if...

"Where are you going Troye?" David asks me in a still tired tone.

"I'm leaving." I state.

"I-I don't think you should go..." Luke says as he steps forward into the hallways leading to the door.

"I won't try and kill myself again if that what you're thinking." I say as I give him a small glare, I feel bad as I see his sad features but soon I'm walking out the door and into the driveway.

I start to walk down a path that I'm sure leads to a quite tall building that I used to go up all the time.

It shows a great view of our small city, and at night the city seems to be alive.

I walk with my hands in my jeans as I kick pebbles on the sidewalk. I look up briefly to see the night sky that seems to be getting ever so lighter, it's still dark though.

I soon make it to the tall building, it's kinda old but not abandoned. I walk in the doors and see nobody around so I quickly walk over to the fire exit doors that I've been in so many times before. I run up the stairs and by the time I'm at the top I'm puffed out. I wheeze and huff as I walk onto the roof of the apartment block.

I walk over the gravel roof and towards the ledge, I don't have any intention of jumping off, I just want to look at the city and the sky and just think.

I slowly walk to the edge of the building and look down at the cars lined up on the street, I sit down and dangle my legs over the edge.

I lean onto my knees and look out at the twinkling night sky, the stars in the sky shine bright and the moon glows against the city lights. I look over the city, I think about how in the day it is so unbearably noisy, but how serene and quiet and... Beautiful it is now.

I breathe in the cold frosty air and close my eyes. I think about everything. Sometimes thinking can be one of the worst things a person can do, for me at least. I can think about life and death, how easy it will be to die and how easy it will be to stay alive. Or in my case how hard it is to die, I've attempted suicide three times and all those times I have failed. Let's face it I'm a failure at everything. I can't even kill myself without fucking up. Perhaps the scariest thing about attempting suicide is in the time I tried too, I didn't see or feel anything. I didn't see anything but blackness and the dark void of nothingness.

I was hoping that killing myself would have been an escape that I would be taken to a better place. I was wrong. I was taken nowhere, and if I had succeeded I would have been put in a hole and left to rot.

But I still found that more appealing than living.

I look down from the building and imagine my body all bruised and beaten on the sidewalk from the impact of the fall. I can't trust myself it's my three am shadow.

I can't trust myself to not jump.

I don't want to deal with this alone.

I wish somebody would talk me down.

Just talk me down...

I feel tears drip down my cheeks and I taste the salty water on my lips. I wipe my eyes and tug at my hair as I swing my legs again the brick that's over the side of the ledge.
I let out sobs that I should have let out as soon as I opened my eyes on that hospital bed.

All my emotions about life and death pour out onto the palms of my hands as I cry into them.

I don't want to deal with this alone...

But I'll always be alone won't I?

I lie onto my back on the cold gravel and wipe my eyes, their was no use as tears still pour down my face.

I feel the wetness drip down my temple and I wrap my arms around myself and feel my ribs poke out from my pale skin.
As soon as I do that I feel a different kind of wetness on my forehead.

And soon one drop turns into a few more, and soon it's raining. I feel my salty tears mix in with the rain as I lie there on the top of a roof staring at the sky as the rain pours down onto me. It feels like the sky is crying with me.

I feel my curls cling to my forehead and my shirt and hoodie stick to my body. I close my eyes and feel my wet eyelashes attach themselves onto my cheeks, both from crying and the rain.

I sit up after a few moments and rub my hand over my curls and wipe my eyes even though it's still raining. I walk over the ledge again and standup, my toes dangling over the edge as I look down. I breathe in and think about jumping for a moment.

I think about jumping and not letting my wings catch me.

I think about it, but I step off the ledge.

But... I wish somebody had talked me down, cause as I walk towards the fire door, I think about whether or not stepping off was the best choice. Maybe I should have just jumped...

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Really sad, matches my mood

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