Different || Troyler AU

C H A P T E R : THIRTY-TWO

•• Happyish demon ••

I walked towards a bridge, the day after that wonderful day with Tyler on the rooftop.

I wanted to go to this bridge to just think about life.

I walked with my hands stuffed in my pockets as I kept my head down. The cold air slapping my face as a deep frown imbedded itself into my features. I didn't really know why all of a sudden I was so sad. I guess that's how clinical depression is.

Strikes at the most random times, when you want to try and be happy but can't seem too.

I soon see the highway and walk towards the bridge where cars drive by, not noticing me.

That's how I liked it.

I though about suicide, how if I was to take my life, that I would jump.

I made it to the bridge and looked over the edge, where I saw the ocean and ragged rocks.

I imagine my body on those rocks all bloody and broken. What if a little child saw my body? What would they do?

My body would probably get washed into the ocean before anyone even noticed it, then I would be another missing boy.

I leant against the railing and folded my arms over the bars as I just looked out at the ocean and sky, how could something so beautiful as this be so close to a city?

Beauty meets ugly.

I guess the city could be beautiful.

Especially at night on top of a tall building looking down at all the people below Screaming at you to not do it, to not jump. Even though they didn't even know you.

They just didn't want to have to see your body.

They probably wouldn't realise that that's where I wanted to be all along.

I would die with a smile on my face, but still with tears down my cheeks.

I hear the cars behind me that cuts me out of my inner monologue and I almost hate them for that, my thoughts could have been amazingly happy, or amazingly sad.

Although I didn't really know what happy was anymore.

My thoughts could eat me up, make me want to die, kill me from the inside out. Or they could make me so incredibly happy.

I thought about if Tyler would care if I died. I bet he might but then would get over it in a couple days, maybe even hours.

What if I killed my self in our bathroom with a razor? He would have to clean the blood and would hate me for making him do that, he would hate my memory.

Best to just jump, wouldn't cause anyone any problems, no cleaning up, no worries.

Another person dead, lost in time, in a few years everybody would have forgotten my name. Another boy lost in time.
Another boy gone.

I thought about all the other millions of people going through the same thing as me, how many people have just killed themselves in the tiny time I was thinking about that? How many beautiful souls would have just taken their lives? Beautiful souls that had families and friends, but not me.

Let's face it, I'm the outsider in the group.

The one nobody really likes, the burden, the group would be the same whether or not I was there.

They didn't need me.

They wouldn't care.

What am I going to amount to in life?

Once I'm done with High school what am I going to do?

But as I stare over the side of the bridge for the first time I didn't want to jump.

Even though my previous thoughts had been so depressing I don't what to jump.

Maybe it's just the thought of Tyler killing himself, or being the one true person to save a whole race.

Maybe after I save the race I should do it...?

But Tyler would kill himself after wouldn't he?

Would he really?

I don't want to risk it but I also don't want to really stay.

But I also do want to stay.

And I've never said that before.

I've never wanted to stay.

But now I do.

And I don't know what to think of that.

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Bad chapter very short but after this chapter there will be only three more chapters left!

And troye finally is getting better he didn't want to kill himself anymore!

Yay!

Anywhore!

One more chapter than two epilogues lol.

Opinions?

S.