Different || Troyler AU

For those who can relate to Troye.

Dear readers,

While I was writing this I was suffering with a thing called depression, I was self-harming and I was starving myself. Although I can unhappily say sometimes I still do those things, I want you to know I am getting better. I want anyone going through the same things as me to try and get better too. This book helped me in so many ways to cope with what I was feeling and just write it all out, and I hope that for some of you this book has helped you at a time you really needed it just by reading.

But I know that for some of you you are still going through depression, anxiety, an eating disorder or anything else.

As stupidly cliche as I am about to be I want you all to know, that it gets better. No matter how stupid that sounds now, it's the truth. Even at days when I feel as if nothing will get better I still know that I have 20,000+ people that would help me through it when I need the support. The same is for all of you. Because right here, in this book you have supporters. And maybe even a friendship just waiting to happen.

So please, keep yourself alive, even if it's for the next twenty one pilots album coming out, or that tomorrow your favourite show is on. Because their is no stupid reason to stay alive.

For the self harmers: I'm not saying to stop self harming straight away, because I know it's hard, believe me I do, but try. Even if you fail the first time, keep trying. Because those scars you are creating will stay forever, whether you can see them or not. You create your future so don't ruin it now. Because, as offensive as this sounds, almost everyone who self harms knows it's dumb (including me), but they can't stop on their own. So get help, because if you deliberately hurt yourself for relief, you need it. Whether it's your school counsellor who talks to everyone like they're five, or a nice teacher, your parents, a professional therapist or doctor, or even your friends. It doesn't matter who you talk to about it, just talk to someone. Because I guarantee someone out there cares. And even if you think nobody does, go on Wattpad. The people reading his right now can help you, because they too are going through the same thing. So talk, talk to each other.
{comment here if you need someone to talk to}

For those suffering with an eating disorder(s): It doesn't matter how many times I say you're beautiful, it won't mean much because I don't know whoever's reading this. But I would like to. The people here would like to know you. And I will tell you this, however meaningless it may be, that you are beautiful. Whether I know you or not, I will guarantee you if I were to see you, you would be beautiful. Because everyone is in their own way. Whether you're 100 pounds or 300, everyone is beautiful. If you have freckles or pimples, beautiful.
Dark or fair skin, beautiful.
Boy or girl, beautiful.
Curly or straight hair, beautiful.
Long or short hair, beautiful.
Blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes, fuck, hazel eyes, they're all beautiful.
Whether you think you're overweight or not, you're still beautiful.
Even if you don't think you are pretty, or skinny or anything like that, someone out there thinks you're beautiful. Because theirs someone out their who's exact type is you. Everyone thinks at some point that they need to lose weight, whether you're a boy or girl, everyone at some point questions whether they are enough or not. But you are. You are enough. You are skinny enough, you are beautiful enough. You don't need to change yourself for other people, personally I think skinny is a bit over-rated, but if you're skinny I still think you're beautiful. Because guys and girls are hot as fuck whether they weight 100 pounds or 300.
So eat that meal you wanted to eat the other day but stopped yourself, don't throw it up or work it off, because you don't need to. You're so fucking beautiful you just need to realise everyone is beautifully unique and we can't all look like Victoria secret models. So go get help, go talk to someone, because starving yourself, throwing up your food or excessively exercising is not good. Please get help. Talk to someone.
{comment here if you need someone to talk to}

For those suffering with anxiety: that excessive worry you have? It's not normal, and whether you have been diagnosed or not, it's not normal and I know it's awful. But you need to breath, because I guarantee you that that thing you're worrying about isn't as bad as you think it is. Whether you're worried about an event, a person or even just doing something deemed 'normal' like talking to someone on the phone or ordering food, just know that whatever is worrying you will only last for a second, because everything will be fine. So slow your heart down, calm your breathing because it's not as bad as it seems.
I went to an anxiety camp once and it really helped me, even though I don't remember much from it I do remember one thing they taught me, it's called detective thinking.
So every time you start worrying about something I what you to think about whether or not what you're worrying about is really worth the worrying at all. Use detective thinking, is that thing I'm worrying about really that bad? Will I die if I do it? Even if it's feels as if I will, will I really? Will it effect me that much?
Just break it down.
For those of you who suffer with panic attacks, I know how it feels. It's like fire and water all at once, it's like your whole body is on fire, yet you are also drowning. Because you can't breath normally and your panicking. If someone is with you or even if you're alone, it's fucking terrifying. I know it is. But you will not die. I promise you that you won't die. You just need to control your breathing, even if it seems impossible. Breathe in and count to one then breathe out, breathe in then count to two and breath out. Keep going for however long it takes you to calm down, just focus on the numbers and nothing else. Don't think about anything but the numbers.
Even if you don't suffer from panic attacks it's still good to know how to help someone just in case you have to witness someone going through it. Just say, breathe in and count and tell them to breathe out.
Everything will be okay, because you're okay. But if your anxiety is effecting you so much you can barely function please get help if you haven't already. You can even talk here if you would like.
{comment to talk to someone}

For those suffering with depression: its okay. Everything is fine, even if it seems as if it's not. But it's okay to not want to get out of bed sometimes because you just can't seem to make yourself. Or that you can't find the point in doing your homework or even getting up to have a shower, because everything seems so pointless. Because you don't have to be okay everyday. It's okay to not be okay sometimes.
But if you wake up everyday wanting to die, not seeing the point in anything anymore, that's not okay.
Because if you're waking up and not wanting to live, going through the day like a zombie trying desperately to make your smile not look so fake, trying to convince people you're fine when you're not, that's not okay. Every once in a while is okay, but not everyday, that's not okay.
So please if you are thinking about ending it all and just leaving everything behind, don't. Because someone out there cares. I can't say I care, because I don't know you, but that doesn't mean I can't.
I don't know your home life, whether your parents are divorced or not, whether you know your dad or mum or even if you don't have parents at all and you're in a foster home. Whether you have friends or you're a loner like me.
People care. As much as you're naive enough to think nobody does, people care. And they would cry if you died.
Even if you know that people care and you still want to kill yourself, don't.
But if you are that sad, that miserable with your life, that you think Suicide is the only way, then go ahead. Because as much as I know people would love for you not to, I can't make you stay alive if it's truly making you unhappy to keep living.
But think about it. Because right now everything feels so pointless, but it's not, or at least it won't be. So stay alive. Please stay alive. Everyone needs someone to talk to, and luckily there's people here to do that.
{comment to talk to someone}

so yeah, wherever you are going through, get help. Please get help.
Even if you're not going through any of these things (or other things) and you know someone who is, it's not stupid, they're not faking it for attention, so help them, don't alienate them for something they can't control.

positivity people, not negativity.

So for the last time, stay safe and keep breathing.

Shae x