Dancing on Eggshells

This is the part when I find love

That night after dinner,I woke up in a fright from a weird dream. I can't remember what the dream was about, but I felt too nervous to close my eyes afterwards. I instead sat up and noticed that Lorelei and Riley were asleep in bed. Yet, I could still hear voices erupting from the other room. I knew who the voices belonged to, so I wasn't too afraid. Curious, I forced myself out of my bed that had been keeping me warm like a fireplace and followed the voices. After I left my room, I began to creep towards the living room downstairs. I slowly walked down the stairs and hoped not to fall nor to be heard. Once I was downstairs, I could hear the voices clearly enough. I sat down on the bottom step , opened my ears and began to concentrate as much as possible.
"I've never ever seen her like that". Bobba fretted.
"And about absolutely nothing", Zaida said,"it was like some sort thing took over her for moment".
"I haven't seen Keoria like that since August when she first started having those panic attacks". Mom said.
I released a strong gulp.
"Keira, admit that she got upset over nothing". Dad said.
Mom sighed. "All those things she said about nobody being happy or whatever was very weird".
"Maybe she's not happy". Bobba suggested.
"If you implying that you think Keoria is depressed-then I'll tell you right now that isn't the case". Dad said.
"How bad were those panic attacks that she was having in August "? Bobba asked.
"Not great". Mom replied.
I found it so weird how sophisticated everyone was acting. It made me wonder whether the whole situation was a very realistic dream. I had never heard Bobba sound so serious, Dad and Mom sounded worried and completely unsure of the situation and Mom and Bobba were actually talking without insulting each other.
"What was happening...in the attacks"? Zaida asked.
Dad sighed. "It began when she woke up three weeks before school started in the middle of the night. She came to our bedroom, woke us up and was hysterically crying and hyperventilating. She wouldn't tell us why she was crying, mostly because she was choking on tears. Keira had to eventually give her rescue drops to calm her down. She slept with us that night. We asked her in the morning why she had been crying that night and weakly told us: 'I don't think I'll survive high school'. We asked her why and she said because she'll die. She said that she felt like her teachers would kill her-"
I had had enough. I began rushing back upstairs to avoid thinking back into the past.

Mom and Dad said nothing to me about their discussion the next morning. I immediately decided that I had been dreaming and carried on with life.
My friends loved their bobble heads. Winona- as usual -was a little skeptical at first as she said it was 'demeaning'. She eventually stopped being so annoying and got used to it.
My parents still buy my brother and I presents even if we don't celebrate Christmas. They bought me a voucher at Bookworms Books and Chris received new headphones.
"What's wrong with my other ones"? The ungrateful  boy asked.
"Chris, you've had them since you were Keoria's age". Dad replied.
"Also, some of the material is torn off". Mom added.
"I'll have your new ones if you want". I said.
Chris refused to give them to me.
I only finished re-reading Looking For Alaska on Sunday as by the time I had arrived in New Jersey, I was only on page twenty five. I didn't have time to read whilst I was at Bobba and Zaida as I used that time to spend with my family.
So, I began reading Silver Linings Playbook on Sunday night. As we were only set to return to school on January 4th, I got a text from Celeste asking to come visit me that Monday.
After a few more meetings, it became obvious that Winona and Violet had no interest in spending time with Celeste on the weekend. They didn't tell Celeste, but she knew after our last meeting before Christmas. Whilst I was still referring to her as Celeste, my friends were calling her Mrs Waldorf again.
I caught the bus and arrived at Celeste's house by eleven a.m. When I arrived, we proceeded by sitting down and drinking coffee in the dining room instead of outside due to the deep ,everlasting snow. She explained that she had just arrived back from a shopping trip whilst Alex was at a friend's house.
"What book are you reading"? She eventually asked.
She always asks me this question, always.
"Um, Silver Linings Playbook".
I was nervous to say it, nervous of how she'd react.
She took a long sip of her coffee before she talked again.
"Why"?
"Why ,what"?
"Why would you choose a book a like that"?
She had a serious look on her face, the same expression had stuck for the whole time I'd been there.
"You act like its Fifty Shades of Grey".
"I see it more as Dianeics".
"Dia what?!"
"It's a book written by a madman ".
"Wow".
"Don't read it, you will die".
"I don't think that's-"
"You will die".
"Okay, okay. I still don't understand the issue".
"The subject matter is the issue".
"You mean mental illness"?
"No, it's just the way the author portrays it".
"Well, its good so far". I replied.
"I'm your English teacher, 'good ' is the worst word I could possibly hear come out of my student's mouth". She said in a plain tone.
"It look interesting...remarkable...entertaining...different...realistic-"
"Thank you, that's enough".
She took another sip of her coffee.
"What do you know about me , Keoria"?
I froze a little, tensed up and felt the cold goosebumps rise.
"You're my advanced English teacher, you're married and have a five year old daughter. You love reading and coffee- and Sylvia Plath...like me". I listed.
"No, don't stop, carry on". Celeste demanded.
I gulped.
"You like painting, you also enjoy my friends and I's company. You love Amy Whinehouse and Patti Smith like me-"
"What do you think of them"? She interrupted.
I thought about my choices of words and finally said:
"They're talented-"
"Amy's dead, she can't be talented from the grave"
"Well Amy was talented and Patti still is, they produced music that touched-"
"Patti's not dead".
"I didn't say she was".
"You said produced. That's past tense".
Jesus.
"They're amazing ,Celeste, they're freaking amazing". I said, my tone slightly aggressive.
"Do you want me to play them off my phone"? She asked.
"Um, sure". I muttered.
She took out her phone and Amy Whinehouse's Valarie was playing a minute later.
"Is that enough trivia about you"? I asked, my tone still slightly aggressive.
"No".
Out of nowhere , I suddenly slammed my fists onto the mahogany table, almost expecting Celeste to yell: "That is Mahogany!" like Effie Trinket from The Hunger Games. There had already been a sour scent in the air when I had arrived, making me immediately irritable. It was only a matter of time before I cracked.
"Hey", Celeste cried, "I'm still your teacher and a human bean, don't slam your fists on my table!" She yelled.
I was angry at her, furious, my temper was close to a kettle's boiled temperature.
"I don't know why you're making me do this!" I cried.
She cupped her hands onto her face as if she was about to start crying, but she didn't. She just sat there in that position for a minute. I awkwardly looked around the room and sang the words to Valarie under my breath.
When she revealed her face, I could see some tears rolling down her cheek.
"Keoria, what do you know about me"? She asked in a desperate and forced voice.
"I just told you".
"No, Keoria-I'm obviously not being clear enough".
I had an idea what she wanted me to say but I was also afraid to say it in case it was the wrong answer. I got the feeling that she would just keep testing me until I finally said it, so I did.
When I turned my head to face her, her eyes were red (no, not Twilight red in case you're wondering. That would actually be really weird), her cheeks were covered in tears and her left hand was resting on her left cheek, reminding me that she is also a leftie like me.
"Celeste, I know that you have Bipolar Disorder".
She didn't throw a fit, she didn't snatch a knife and stab me in the heart, she didn't break into hysterics and rush to the bathroom to overdose on pills.
She just sat in her chair as Valarie carried on playing.
"You're a 100% right, Keoria".
I just stared at my almost empty coffee mug as if the coffee would just jump out of its cup and begin doing a performance for me. Words had emptied out of my head.
"After Nate confronted me about not taking my medication, I knew there was no one else to have known about my behavior. I had been avoiding all of my friends that week hoping I could just be myself for a while and then go back on my medication. You must've come to my house for a reason that Saturday, especially so early. Alex doesn't know anything about my disorder, she would just say that I got angry and something and that would sound normal. She can't understand that sort of stuff anyway, too young and too innocent.
"Maybe not in Nate's case as he's a nervous wreak when it comes to me, I sometimes think my parents pay him to be some sort of caregiver to me and that we aren't actually married and that Alex isn't really my daughter. Maybe he's in an affair".
"That's not true, Nate loves you. I see the way he looks at you, you and Alex are the only apples in his eye". I comforted.
She shook her head.
"I'm a fucking mess, I'm so damn paranoid".
She cleared her throat. "I sometimes think about Alex-what if she gets it? What if she turns out like me? Bipolar is the most hereditary mental illness there is. I wish I could protect her from it, but it's all up to fate to decide". 
I felt like the adult in the conversation all of a sudden, like it was my job to resolve this problem. I decided to put my hand over hers and then began asking her questions like a therapist would.
"Um, why did you stop taking your medication"?
"It makes me feel like I have no personality, like my whole soul has been wiped blank like a chalkboard. My soul is there because I'm still talking and breathing , but I feel so...numb".
"Wait, when did you stop taking your medications"? I asked.
Suddenly, our grasp broke and Celeste slammed her hands on the mahogany table forcing me to gasp.
"Keoria, you're not my fucking therapist!" She yelled.
"I don't appreciate you cursing at me!" I yelled back.
She just shook her head as if she was expecting glitter to fall out of her ears if she shook for long enough and then began crying.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"
"Stop, Celeste! It's fine!"
An awkward moment passed, sour air kept sulking and seeping through.
"Why are you reading that book, Keoria",She asked , "I know what it's about, I know what idiots they make us look like".
I gulped.
"Because...I wanted to read the book. I want to know what's going on inside in your head. I want to help you, I really do".
She sighed.
"Thank you, but there's nothing you can do to help me".
"Are-are you sure"?
She looked at me , forcing a smile.
"You're so sweet, Keoria, I feel like I'm taking over your life".
A little, by my choice.
"Are you on your medication right now"? I asked.
"Yes".
I was almost ready to ask what the 'trauma' was, but I didn't want to risk Celeste's seldom sanity.