rescue me / larry

four / you're better than this

After the boys had left the flat loneliness embraced Louis like a sea of clouds, but it wasn't a big difference to all the other days Louis already lived through. It actually was just the same; the empty feeling in Louis' stomach was the same, the silence in the flat was the same. It was silent enough that Louis thought he could feel his own heart beating inside of his ear.

The thing that was different was the fact that regret filled his body from the inside, making it feel like there were rocks lying on his chest, complicating his breathing. The regret about pushing the boys away even though Louis knew exactly what he was doing when he asked them to leave.

It was quite complicated actually; Louis now wished that Zayn and Liam would come back, but as soon as they would sit across of him he would have the urge to ask them to leave again. It was like Louis didn't want to alone, but he wanted to be alone. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't long for Liam's or Zayns Company. 

Deep inside Louis knew that it was Harry his heart was longing for. He wanted to have Harry to wrap his long arms around Louis' small body, Louis leaning in to his touch. Louis wanted to hear Harry's heartbeat when he placed his head on the younger boy's chest, and he wanted to inhale the familiar, loved scent of Harry's aftershave. Maybe it made Louis weird, a stalker even, but sometimes when Harry wasn't home Louis would sneak into Harry's bathroom, smelling his aftershave just because it made Louis' heart beat faster. The smell was one of these things that remembered him of Harry; in a good way, not in the heart breaking way.

Louis even had a shirt of Harry that was smelled like the aftershave, but Harry didn't know about it. Louis simply took it one lonely night, put aftershave on it and hid it under his pillows because whenever Louis and Harry would share a bed it would be Harry's.

The shirt was soothing for Louis when Harry was out once again, leaving Louis on his own. Louis would lie down in bed and snuggle with the shirt, inhaling the scent. It made him feel close to Harry, no matter how far away they actually where from each other.

Louis sighed as he pushed himself off the couch. He walked up the stairs into his room, the wooden floor felt cold beneath his bare feet and Louis longed for the warm bed, but instead of slipping under the covers again Louis walked over to his closet, pulling the doors open. He got out sweatpants and a new hoodie and took it to the bathroom where he locked the door, placing the clothes on the sink right before he stripped off his old, sweaty clothes, throwing them into the laundry basket.

The small boy turned the water on and stepped into the shower, sighing in relief as the warm water hit his skin, making him feel a bit more comfortable.

~

"Louis?" The voice echoed in the air, sounding so near, yet so far away and Louis groaned, burying his face deeper into the soft material of his pillow.

"Louis, I'm being serious. Wake up." Louis felt himself being shaken and another groan slipped out of his mouth before he opened his eyes a crack, his eyes meeting the familiar shade of emerald-green looking right at him, which made Louis' eyes fly open in a second.

"Good, you're finally awake," Harry remarked as he stood up, still looking down at Louis. "We've got rehearsals in about half an hour and you didn't seem to wake up on own terms today. Hurry up."

Harry turned around and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Louis on his own. Louis yawned deeply and his gaze wandered over to the nightstand and he noticed it was barely 9:30 am which explained why he was so tired.

After Louis had the shower the previous day he had spent the majority of the day and the night watching random chick flick movies on TV. Most of the movies where typical movies that Louis could relate to in a weird, sad way; they were about a girl that was in love with a boy that either didn't see the love the girl had for him or he didn't recognize the girl at all, and Louis knew the pain they were feeling; he understood every tear that was shed in the movie. But whenever the movie ended Louis felt alone again, like he was the only person going through this pain – all the girls in the movies had their happy endings where they finally found the love of their life. They ended up happy, and Louis knew that this wouldn't be happening for him. Louis' life was no movie, and everyone knew happy endings only happen in movies.