rescue me / larry

twenty-one / thoughts

To say that Harry had been doing okay while Louis was gone would be a massive lie; all he did was sit around the house when he wasn't able to go to hospital. He wasn't even doing anything productive, he literally just sat around.

Sometimes Harry went into Louis' room and laid down on the bed to feel close to Louis. Everything still smelled like him and it was comforting to Harry when he closed his eyes and breathed in the scent.

And during those moments he couldn't bear the thought of not finding Louis in his room Harry just sat on the living room couch and listened to music that reminded him of better times. He was telling himself it was helping even though it felt like it was constantly ripping wounds open.

Of course the boys tried to get Harry out of the house, or at least tried to keep him company by sitting with him but Harry refused to go out and didn't really talk to anyone when they were around.

It wasn't like Harry had a huge problem, because he didn't. He was just a bit sad, it was passing. He knew that, and he wasn't just telling himself that to convince himself. His best friend, someone he felt like he was crushing on, was sick and not home, how was he supposed to act normal?

The crush part was tearing Harry up, because he didn't know if he should ever tell Louis. Zayn told him he should, and usually Zayn knows the right thing to do but Harry thought that maybe this time it was different; two problems popped up in Harry's brain.

First, Louis' love for him was a big part of why he got so bad, even though Louis said it wasn't, and Harry didn't want to tear wounds open that were in the process of being healed. This wasn't the point of it at all.

Second, Harry didn't know what exactly it was. Was it a crush, was it a weird feeling he developed during the current situation because he felt bad for Louis? It was hard to explain this thought – maybe he wasn't really crushing on Louis, maybe it was his brain tricking him because maybe he wished that he could return the feelings so Louis was happy.

Harry just didn't want to mess Louis' feelings up with a feeling he had that could pass. False hope was worse than any rejection after all.

And right now Harry was doing exactly what he was used to doing now; Louis had another therapist appointment and Harry just sat in the living room, music blasting through his headphones. He was eating crisps that he bought yesterday and his mind was so full of thoughts that it also felt empty.

So many thoughts that he couldn't concentrate on one of them and just pushed them all to the back of his mind.

Niall was sitting next to him, playing on his phone. They exchanged three sentences at most since Niall got there two hours ago.

"Hi, how are you doing?"

"I'm good, what about you?"

"I'm good, too."

That was it. But somehow it was still comforting to feel the presence of another human being near you.

~

And Louis' head wasn't exactly empty either. Talking to a therapist felt nice, it felt nice to finally get his feelings out instead of bottling them up, and he could feel himself slowly getting better.

He had gained a few kilos and his body didn't look as bony as before. Of course he still had a long way to go but everyone told him how good he was doing, and how proud they were of him and it motivated him to go on. He wasn't force fed anymore, and although he still struggled to eat he did his best to eat so his body had everything it needed.

Louis knew he wasn't getting better fast, that he wouldn't be okay two weeks after getting admitted, and he knew he was going to struggle his whole life but he wanted to get better.

Most of his thoughts were with Harry, still, and with the world outside of the hospital. He hadn't been out in a long time and he missed the feeling of wind blowing through his hair. He missed going out with the boys or having movie nights in their comfortable living room.

Louis was tired of seeing the same four walls the whole day, and he wanted to know how the fans were doing, how they reacted and what they think. He still wasn't allowed on his phone and the boys didn't want to tell him anything that was going on on social media.

They talked about gossip, what celebrity did what and what else happened in the world, but they always made sure to never mention articles about the band or Louis in particular. And it was bothering Louis because he was going to find anything out anyways.

He felt like the boys saw him in a different light now, that they saw him as weaker than he actually was. They were always so cautious around Louis and sometimes he just wanted to grab them by the collar and yell at them to treat him like they did before.

He was sick, but he was still Louis and not a child.

Louis wanted to get discharged as soon as possible, but he was told he had to restore his weight soon and even then he had to come in for certain appointments; check-ups, therapist appointments, everything.

His mother had come by for a visit a week ago and Louis never felt worse than he felt when his mother talked to him. She felt bad for never noticing, for finding out by her son being admitted to the hospital. But after the dreaded talk about his illnesses Louis actually enjoyed her visit – it had been too long since he had seen Jay.

Louis found out how his siblings were doing, what was going on in his mother's life and back in Doncaster and they both decided Louis was going home when he was released instead of going back to the flat he shared with Harry to get more time before being faced with old surroundings.

Louis loved the flat, he really did. He loved living with Harry but the flat held too many bad memories. He wasn't going to move out for good, he was just postponing the moment he had to go back until he felt like he was ready.

He just needed to find a way to tell Harry.

~

Okay two things; firstly I'm sorry this isn't too exciting, it's simply a filler and still holds relevant information. The next chapter will have more happening and will be better in general. I hope that you still liked it.

Second, I'm sorry I didn't update... I don't really have an excuse. I've started watching Grey's Anatomy a few weeks ago and been binge watching it ever since. I've fallen in love with George and I accidentally spoiled myself his fate and goodbye world. :)))))) He's my tiny baby and I had such cute dreams about him, sigh.