rescue me / larry

twelve / the cold water

I decided to post this now despite the votes because I love posting this, you always get so excited haha. I'm off to see a movie with my friends now, have a good evening/night/morning. :)
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And Louis tried.

Avoiding Harry turned out to be a lot of easier than Louis thought it would be. Maybe because Harry and Louis hardly spent any time together as it was, or because Zayn was still there and Louis made sure he was always around.

Of course Zayn found it a little weird that Louis always wanted him around, or that Louis looked distressed and nervous whenever Harry was around. The thing was that Zayn didn't question it as much as you think he would.

Zayn simply thought that Louis didn't want to be alone, and being around someone you were hopelessly in love with was never something easy, and certainly not with the complicated situation Louis was in.

But Louis' problem was that Zayn had to leave the flat sooner or later since he had an own life, and he couldn't cancel all plans he had made with his girlfriend. Louis understood that, but that didn't mean that he liked it.

And that's how Louis ended up in his current situation. It's been four days since the incident with Harry and Zayn went out to have dinner with Perrie. Of course he offered that he could cancel it to stay with Louis, but Louis told him that he should go. Louis didn't want to be a burden, because he knew how much Zayn loved Perrie. Just because Louis was unhappy didn't mean everyone else has to be, too.

Louis was sitting on his bed and music was filling the air. But even though the music was was so loud that Louis barely heard his own thoughts (which was a good thing, Louis thought), he still knew Harry was home.

The first reason was that Harry hadn't gone out for four days (a thing Louis usually would love, now it just bothered him), and the second reason was that the light in the hallway was turned on and Louis could see Harry walking around, the shadow gave his presence away.

It was like Harry was walking up and down the hallway, waiting for Louis to come out of his room, but little did he know that Louis didn't plan on coming out anytime soon.

But Louis knew he couldn't avoid this talk forever, he wasn't naive like that. He just didn't know what to tell Harry, because the truth wasn't really the option Louis would love to choose.

He never planned telling Harry that he fell in love with him, it would destroy the rest of the friendship that was left. Louis didn't think that Harry would be disgusted that he was gay, because Louis knew Harry supported gay rights, and he would be the last person to hate Louis for something like that. But it would change the way Harry acted towards him.

A sigh came out of Louis' mouth and he grabbed his remote, turning the music off. Silence immediately filled the room. It was uncomfortable, but now Louis could hear Harry's footsteps on the hallway and it just confirmed his theory that Harry was waiting for him.

Suddenly there was a knock on Louis' door, and Louis' head snapped up. He didn't move, and then there was a second knock, followed by a third one.

"Louis, please open the door," Harry said in a quiet voice, and even though Louis didn't want to hear Harry right now his heart jumped a little at the sound of his deep, raspy voice.

"Louis, please. I know you can hear me," Harry continued.

"Go away, I don't want to talk," Louis replied, burying his face in his pillow. A part of him hoped Harry would give up, a bigger part of him knew Harry wouldn't give up, and then there was his heart that almost prayed Harry wouldn't give up.

"Louis, talk to me," Harry said, almost begging and Louis pushed himself off his bed, walking over to the door. He stood in front of it, thinking about opening it, or going back to bed.

And even though going back to bed seemed to be an easier option Louis knew that he couldn't always go with easy, that wasn't how life worked. Sometimes you had to jump into the cold water instead of staying at the sidelines, and Louis opened the door.

Louis' eyes met green ones staring back at him. Neither of them said anything for a few moments before Louis cleared his throat, pulling both of them back into reality.

"You wanted to talk?" Louis said and Harry nodded his head.

"Can we go back into your room or something? It's weird to talk in the hallway."

Louis nodded and walked into his bed where he dumped down on his bed, pulling his knees up to his chest. His eyes followed Harry who sat down on the edge of his bed. Louis still wasn't sure if opening the door was a good idea, or if he was going to regret it like getting out of bed four days ago.

"Do you want to explain to me now? What do I have to be sorry for?" Harry said, getting straight to the point.

"Nothing. I just overreacted, don't worry about it," Louis said, looking down at his knees.

"No, Louis, it wasn't nothing," Harry spoke. "You looked really upset when you said that. You hid yourself away in your room for four days and you can't even look me into the eye. Zayn is still here and no one wants to tell me why. There are a lot of things you're not telling me, and it's obviously not nothing."

Louis bit his lower lip. "Okay, it's not nothing. I just don't know what to tell you," Louis said.

"What about the truth, Louis?" Harry replied.

"It's not something easy, Harry, and I don't like talking about it."

"Don't you like talking about it, or don't you like talking about it to me?" Harry asked, making Louis sigh.

"Maybe it's both," Louis said, still avoiding eye contact with Harry.

"What's so bad that you can't talk to me when it's clearly something involving me? Louis, I know it's hard but please be honest with me," Harry said with concern in his voice.

Louis ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. He wanted to tell Harry the truth, he really did, but he knew it'd be a mistake. But he still started to talk, looking at the ground.

"I'm gay," Louis said.

Harry raised his eyebrows. "Louis, you know I'd never judge you because of that," Harry said. "But that's not the problem, is it?"

Louis shook his head. "Can I ask you something?" Louis said and turned his head to Harry who nodded.

"Have you ever loved someone who doesn't love you? I don't mean liking someone, or crushing on someone, I man really loving someone but acting like you don't, and seeing them with somebody else and it just fcking hurts?" Louis asked and Harry frowned concerned.

"But who-" Harry started before his thoughts cleared up and it hit him like a brick. "You mean me, right? You love me," Harry said, but it was more of a statement than a question.

Louis didn't say anyhing, but he nodded slightly, looking at Harry. Harry ran a hand through his hair before he jumped up.

"Harry, wh-" Louis started but he watched how Harry walked out of the room.

Louis watched the door, but his eyes started to water as he realized that Harry wasn't turning around. In that moment Louis found his answer - js regretted opening the door, even more than getting up. But Louis had a new question that he couldn't answer.

He didn't know which person he hated the most right now; Harry, or himself.