rescue me / larry

nine / everything hurts make it stop

Zayn slowly pulled out of the hug, his hands still resting on Louis' upper arms. His golden eyes were fixed on his smaller friend and Louis was looking right back at Zayn; sadness was shimmering in Louis' blue eyes.

It was weird, but Louis was already regretting opening up to Zayn. Louis knew how good it felt to finally talk to someone, just like he knew that he had done the right thing, but he couldn't stop feeling this way.

It wasn't the fact that Louis didn't trust Zayn, no, it was the fact that Louis didn't feel comfortable that Zayn now knew everything that he kept inside for months; the things that Louis never wanted to talk about. Louis didn't know what Zayn was doing with this information, although he was aware that Zayn was going to tell Liam and Niall and that Louis couldn't get out of this whole "getting help" thing now.

The other thing that frightened Louis was that maybe Harry found out about everything; he didn't want Harry to know about his depression, about his eating disorder and most certainly Louis didn't want him to know that Louis was in love with Harry. Louis didn't even want to think about it.

But maybe, Louis thought, maybe his friends actually cared about him and maybe they were genuiely concerned about his well-being, but an other part that was much stronger told Louis that they'd get tired of taking care of him, that they would think it was too much work or that they'd eventually realize that Louis wasn't worth it.

"Louis, you are over thinking again. Don't do that," Zayn said and his voice pulled Louis out of his thoughts. A sigh escaped Louis' thin lips and Louis looked down at his lap.

"I can't help it," Louis replied in a quiet voice. "It's like my thoughts are a swirl that's pulling me underwater and they're stronger than I am, I can't fight my way back to the surface. It's like I'm drowning in my own thoughts."

"And we're there for you to pull you up again before you drown, Lou. We're always here for you if you let us," Zayn said and smiled at Louis, and Louis looked up. Louis' own lips twitched into a small smile that was almost invisble, but the fact that he smiled without forcing it made Louis a bit happy.

"The boys and I are planning on hanging out today. I was asking myself if you want to join us, maybe get your mind of things?" Zayn then asked, trying to switch to happier topic so the smile wouldn't fade of Louis' lips immediately.

"I don't think I'm in the mood," Louis answered. "I just want to get into bed and listen to music until I fall asleep. I'm feeling really tired right now."

Zayn nodded; he already expected Louis' answer but there had been a tiny hope in him that his smaller friend would finally hang out with them again. He didn't want to get Louis out of the house so he wouldn't be alone even though this was one of the reasons, but Zayn also missed Louis terribly. He missed hanging out with him, he missed Louis' jokes and the sound of Louis' laughter filling up the air - the sound of Louis' laughter had always been contagious and it was impossible not to laugh when Louis was laughing.

Now Zayn hadn't heard Louis laugh in weeks, months maybe. Every time Louis laughed it was because someone was looking at him and Zayn had always noticed how Louis would stop laughing when he felt unwatched. Then his gaze would wander down at his lap where his hands were lying. Zayn also noticed that Louis' smiles and laughter never reached his eyes - his mouth was smiling, but his eyes never were.

"You know a person is happy when you cover up their mouth and they still look happy. If their eyes look sad or empty when it's covered then you know the smile is a lie." And Zayn knew that none of Louis' smiles were real.

"I'm going to stay here with you then," Zayn suddenly said and smiled at Louis.

"Why?" Louis asked confused and raised his eyebrows. The raven-haired boy next to him shrugged.