rescue me / larry

thirteen / please tell me what you meant, louis

"The world taught me angst when I deserved joy."

- Island of a Misfit Boy, Front Porch Step
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It's been two hours since Harry walked out on Louis and Louis hadn't moved since then. He was lying on his bed and his eyes were fixed on the ceiling above him. Louis' thoughts were spinning, tears were burning in his eyes and Louis fought the urge to harm himself because he promised he wouldn't do it anymore, and he didn't want to disappoint Zayn. And maybe because Louis had enough problems as it was and he didn't want to add hiding new scars onto the list.

Louis wished he could go back in time and stop himself from opening the door, but on the same side Louis was happy that he didn't tell Harry anything about all his other problems. And in a weird way it felt good to know Harry finally knew about the feelings he hid for four years. All Louis hoped for was that Harry came back and apologized.

It was clear to Louis that Harry didn't return the feelings, but he hoped that Harry wouldn't change the way he acted towards Louis, because Louis couldn't bear the thought of losing Harry, knowing that he destroyed the friendship that was left.

The room around Louis was silent and Louis thought about turning the music up again, but he couldn't find the will to grab the remote and turn the music on. And Louis also hoped that he heard the front door open so he knew when Harry came back, but everything around him stayed as silent as before, and it made him feel sadder than before. If Louis could feel sad anymore, most of the time he was just numb.

When Louis heard the front door open his heart jumped, but he couldn't find the strength to get up and look who just entered the flat, but when his door opened and Zayn stepped into the room he felt disappointment filling his body – and he immediately felt bad about it because Zayn was here to help him, he really shouldn't be disappointed to see the one person that was there for him when he needed it the most.

"Louis?" Zayn said quietly and stepped closer to Louis' bed, his brown eyes scanning Louis. "Are you okay?"

Louis sighed. "Yes," he lied.

"Really?" Zayn asked, sounding skeptical.

"No, that's what everyone wants to hear," Louis said and he could feel his eyes watering all over again. He didn't know why he even bothered to lie to Zayn, but he couldn't stop himself from doing so. Louis had been lying about everything for so long, it was a habit that he couldn't stop.

"Louis," Zayn said softly and sat down on the edge of Louis' bed. "What happened while I was gone?"

Louis looked at Zayn while a tear finally rolled down his cheeks. He then took a deep breath to calm himself down, even though it didn't work.

"Harry knows," Louis said quietly and now that he said those words out loud it felt like a knife pierced right through his heart, but he tried his best to not break down in tears in that moment. His number one rule was to only break down when he was alone, this way no one could ask any questions.

"What?" Zayn asked disbelieved.

"Harry knows," Louis repeated. "He knows that I love him, I told him and he just walked out on me. It's been two hours and he didn't come back. He didn't even call me or text me. I knew it was a mistake to tell him, but I told him and now I just want to disappear, Zayn. Why do we fall in love with people that just break us? Why do we do this to ourselves? Love is supposed to feel good; it's supposed to make me really happy. But all it did was break me."

Zayn's heart broke looking at Louis like that. Tears were running down his cheeks and he looked at the ceiling while talking to Zayn. It broke Zayn's heart to hear Louis talk like that because Louis deserved happiness, that's what Zayn thought. Well, no, Zayn knew that Louis deserved happiness, and everything Louis got was pain.