Occiditur

My Girl

I woke up in the hospital much to my surprise.

The first thing I noticed was how easy it was to breath. It was painful but at least I could inhale and exhale without complication.

Squinting at the bright lights, I looked around and saw that Samantha was sitting in a chair beside me. She was holding my hand and squeezed it tight when she saw I was awake.

"Hey babe." She sighed.

I tried to speak but it was too painful to utter but a sound. I cringed and tightened my grip on her hand.

"The doctor's said you shouldn't talk for a few days." She informed me. "So I think I'm gonna do the talking. You just listen okay?" She said lovingly.

I nodded groggily.

"Your sister told me that you're suicidal." Her voice caught on that last word. "Why didn't you tell me you were thinking like that?"

I did tell you! I mentally screamed at her.

"No, you did tell. A better question would be, why didn't I believe you. Right?" She apologized.

She seemed sincere, so I brought our intertwined hands to her face. I dried the tears that started to drip from her long eye lashes.

"Were you trying to kill yourself, tell the truth?" She begged me.

I nodded slowly with tears in my eyes.

"Micky, don't you trust me? I tell you I love you, and I do." She gushed and laid her head on my chest. This caused excruciating pain. I tapped her shoulder to let her know. She lifted her head and apologized.

"I'll call a doctor for pain medicine if you need it."

I nodded.

Samantha stepped outside. I put my hand to my head. What had I done? I loved that girl, and I almost left her and my daughter all alone in this big, bad world. I was disgusted with myself.

Samantha soon returned with an RN.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Dolenz?" The nurse asked.

"He's not supposed to talk." Sam informed her.

"Yes, I know, that's just a habit of mine to ask people that." The nurse smiled. She hooked a drip IV to a port in my arm. Soon I began to feel relief.

"Has your wife told you what all you have wrong with you?" She asked politely.

I shook my head no. As the nurse told me of my ailments I watched Samantha. She looked with pity down into my eyes.

"Well, Mr. Dolenz, You won't be able to speak without pain for at least two weeks. You have three broken ribs. One was broken before they pumped your stomach and the other two were necessary to break in getting the water out of your lungs. Also all the coughing you did mutilated your esophagus." She tapped my sholder. "You'll be here for those two weeks so I hope you like the hospital." The lady smiled and left the room.

Samantha sat beside me. I began to feel drowsy and I couldn't keep my eyes open.

"I love you Micky," Samantha leaned down and kissed my forehead lightly. "I'll let you sleep." Samantha took my hand again and laid her head down on them. I slipped into a deep slumber.

When I woke up the next day, Samantha wasn't there. Coco and my mother were sitting in the room with me. Coco noticed I was awake and tried to hug my head.

"You're an idiot!" She sobbed to me. "A complete and utter idiot!"

"Are you okay son?" My mother asked.

I nodded. I tried to say yes. It was a harsh guttural sound, and it hurt.

"Micky, honey what happened?" My mother asked.

I looked at Coco. I asked her with my eyes if she'd revealed my tendencies to my mother. Coco shook her head discretely and put her finger to her lips.

"I...slipped." I said and winced in pain.

"Oh baby..." She sighed. "I wish I could help you."

"Im....alright...ma." I whispered.

"You should go back to sleep and get your rest to get better." My mother said with a smile.

"Sounds...good." I said and closed my eyes. I instantly fell asleep.

When I woke up a third time Samantha was stepping into the room. She had a duffle bag in one hand and Ami in the other. Behind her was Mike, Peter, and Davy.

"Hey Man!" Mike smiled as he entered. Seeing him angered me. He was the reason I was here. If he hadn't lost it at the album premier I wouldn't have attempted to drown myself. Or would I?

"Good morning, babe. I brought you some clothes from home and some other things to keep you occupied." Samantha said as she planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Thanks." I spoke. The hideous sound I had uttered the night before had progressed to a less painful rasp. But I still tasted blood when I tried to speak.

"Boy, you look like crap!" Davy said in a joking manner.

I smiled and rubbed my eyes.

"You try drowning in your bath and see how you look." I said. I swallowed the blood that arose along with the pain it cause.

The others offered nervous chuckles.

"Have you boys been getting along without me?" I asked.

"Eh, we'll survive." Laughed Peter.

"Right!" I chuckled.

"Today we've just been waiting to see you." Davy informed me.

"Aw isn't that sweet? You waited to see me." I smiled.

"It's not much, I promise you." Mike sighed jokingly.

"I'm sure I do look terrible. But I would look a lot worse if Sam hadn't been there." Until then she had been sitting quietly in a chair on the opposite side of the room. She was feeding Ami some sort of cereal from a bowl. When I said her name she looked up and blushed. We shared a lingering glance in which I apologized for doing such a thing to her. In the same glance she forgave me.

"I bet you'd look bloody dead." Davy said matter of fact. There was no hint of joking in his tone.

"Yeah..." I sighed.

Mike punched his arm, and Peter refused to look me in the eyes.

"So uh, Micky. The doctors told us that you wouldn't be able to sing for a couple months." Mike stated.

"Oh yeah?" I asked.

An awkward silence filled the room. No one quite knew what to say, they just nodded stiffly.

And then...

"What do I tell them?" Asked Peter.

"Tell who?" I asked.

"The press. They got word you were sent here and their begging for a story. What do I tell them?" Peter explained.

I turned to Samantha.

"You tell them the truth." She said as if the answer was obvious. "You tell them that he slipped and was knocked unconscious." She then returned to attending to our daughter.

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