Saving Caroline

Chapter 5 (picture of Ty)

"I'm worried about Caroline." I tell Danny.

"I think she just needs time to heal; you did." he states.

"I also tried to kill myself." Danny nods, and starts kissing my neck.

His kisses gentle and sweet. His soft lips reach mine, and I lean into his.

"You're distracting me," I say pulling away from the kiss.

"You're stressing yourself out, babe, she'll be fine," He says.

"Everyone handles things differently," I sigh.

~

"It will get harder before it gets easier." Caroline says.

"I'm not getting out of this alive!" I shout.

"Listen, Payton, the accident wasn't your fault! So stop beating yourself up for it!" She shouts back.

"I should have been with them." I say.

"Payton Grey McCain! Please get out of bed, and live you life!" Caroline pleads.

"If I want to die you can't stop me!" I shout.

"I know that! You know deep down inside you can't bring yourself to." she sighs, and walks out of my room.

When I hear the front door slam shut I know she was done. I sit in my bed, and cry myself to sleep.

There is a knock at my bedroom door, it's Danny.

"Hey, Payton." He says.

"Hi" I say.

He stands five feet away from me, and holds out his hand. I slowly get out of bed, and hug him. He sighs with relief. He takes me down stairs where a worried Riley and Caroline sit on the couch. They smile, and hug me as I walk down.

~

R: "Hey."

P: "Hello."

C: "Hi."

P: "How are you guys?"

C: "Fine..."

R: "Good."

The three of us (Riley, Caroline, and I) text for a while, and then Caroline stops. Caroline hates not to reply to texts. Something is wrong.

I drive by Caroline's apartment. Her Car isn't in the drive way. I see it a bit down the road. I drive fast to catch up. She is heading to the store. It turns out she left her phone at home. I just got paranoid.

Caroline comes over Friday night. It's just me and her. Now that Riley and Jase got together she hasn't came over as often, which is okay.

"What movie do you want to watch? Allegiant or Mockingjay part two?" I ask.

"Allegiant!" she exclaimed.

I put it into the DVD player on the television.

Half-way through Allegiant; Caroline asks, "I don't know if I want to die."

I give her a look, "Payton, you did too," she reminds.

"It gets better," I promise.

'It will get harder before it get easier,'" I say.

"There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of that," she admits.

"I know," I say.

That night with Caroline sleeping beside me with the usual pillow wall between us. I cant help but notice a spiral notebook peaking out of her bag. It's two in the morning, and Caroline is snoring softly.

I quietly get out of bed and sneak over to her duffle bag. Pulling the notebook out. I sit crisscrossed apple sauce against the edge of my bed. I open the front page. It's a note from her to me. It's dated 11/20/09 six years ago. We would have been fourteen years old.

"Dear Payton, I'm not sure how to say this, but here it goes. You are the best friend anyone could ask for. With my grandmother's death, and my parents always fighting. I just need to get away. I'm sorry. -Caroline Farwell."

My eyes tear up, and the fact that she was either going to kill herself or run away hits me like a train. I have to leave my bedroom so I don't wake her up. I go down stairs and into my parents bedroom. I sit against the door, and continue reading the letters and poems in her notebook.

The next page is a letter to Ty dated 2/19/08. She was fifteen and I was fourteen still.

"Ty, I'm in love with you. You are one of five people that get to hear that (Mom, Dad, You, Payton, and David my brother.) I wanted to tell you in person, but I clam up. Thank you for one month."

As I skim through the pages something catches me eye. It is a letter for me. Dated 7/5/15.

"Dear Payton, Happy 19th birthday! I I'm sorry if this is late, but I'm on vacation so yeah. I miss you! P.S. I know you are going through a hard time. I can't imagine what you are going through. I am coming over as soon as I get back to Cali! -love Caroline."

She did come over when she got back. The fact that my parents were gone forever didn't hit me until they were lowered six-feet under.

I close the notebook, and tears blur my vision. I look at the clock its been a hour. I need to put the notebook back. the door creaks as I open it a crack so I can slide in. Caroline rolls around under the covers. I quickly put the notebook back into the bag, and carefully get back into bed.