the love club

iii

Phil

PJ was laughing as Dan ran out of the room crying.
"What a retard," he snorted and I forced a laugh.

I left the room quickly, my mind falling into over drive as I grabbed the nearest drink and forced it down my throat.

Looking around for an opening in the group of sweaty bodies that was growing by the second, I felt myself start to hyperventilate. My body was growing slightly weak as I manoeuvred through the crowd; girls were pressing against me from all angles, drinks were splashing onto my arms and all I could smell was vomit.

The crisp air was cool on my face. I collapsed into the damp grass, rubbing my eyes. My head was pounding- the music was loud, too loud.

"Phil! There you are!"
Picking myself up quickly, I rotated around to face Chris. He had a drink in one hand and a petite girls waist in the other.
"Peej told me what happened."
My heart lurched.
"I can't believe that fag tried to kiss you. What a freak." The girl laughed.
"Yeah," I mumbled, "weirdo."
"Anyway," he laughed, "I snagged you a girl."
I frowned.
"Phil, this is Ebony. Hot, right?"
The girl, Ebony, waved flirtatiously as Chris gently eased her towards me.
"The bedrooms are all taken, but the bathroom should be free." Chris disappeared inside, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"Hi," I said quietly.
She pressed her body against mine. Her breath smelt badly of vodka, lipstick and crisps.

"I've always wanted to fuck under the stars," she whispered, looking up at the night sky.
The stars shone in a juxtaposition of silver and midnight blue that Ebony's eyeshadow could have easily resembled.
"That can be arranged."
-
"You're a really good kisser." Ebony mumbled through sloppy neck kisses.
I had taken a position on the cold grass with her small topless figure on my lap, her knees either side of my torso.
She left untidy love bites on my chest, which could have been art if this wasn't a drunk hoax of what sex and love really was.

"You're beautiful," I blurted out between moans.
She gave me a perplexed look.
"Phil, that's really sweet and don't take this the wrong way, but I kind of just want to fuck something."

I couldn't lie and say that she wasn't beautiful; the way her hazel eyes reflected under the azure moonlit sky, her dark hair had been straight but now resembled calm ocean waves and her facial structure was glittering from sweat and untouched makeup under the galaxy. She was stunning.
But Ebony, was a female, and I knew that no matter how big the number of female population that I slept with, I was gay.

Ebony kissed down my body, her cool lips leaving a trail of faded maroon lipstick. As she fiddled with my belt, I started to feel sick. Blaming it on the alcohol and ignoring my homosexuality once again, I let her proceed. She tugged my skinny jeans down to my knees roughly before pulling her hair back into a loose pony tail.

"Ready?" She asked, giving me a cheeky smirk. She rested her manicured nails on the waist band of my boxers and I panicked.
"Wait!" I interrupted.
"What is it?"
"I don't have a condom."
She laughed. "I guess you'll just have to pull out quick then."
I smiled weakly as she started pulling my underwear down.
"Stop stop," I said quickly, almost in tears. "I can't do this."
Whats wrong with me? I do this all the time.
Ebony sighed, removing her hands from my waist band.
"Why not?"
"I'm not feeling well," I lied.
"Am I ugly?" She questioned, suddenly feeling the need to cover her exposed breasts.
"What? No! I'm sorry I just-"
"Are you gay?"
"No!" I shouted too enthusiastically. "No I'm not gay."
She laughed awkwardly before putting her shirt back on.
"I'm sorry Ebony," I said quietly.
She shrugged. "All good."

I watched her dark shadowed figure stand, an aura of a mix of both the moon and strobe lights illuminating her figure.
"You know," she said pointedly as she picked up her heels from the grass, "there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. Don't let anybody, especially your friends, put that into your head."

I watched the darkness swallow her as she walked well out of reach. Tugging my shirt over my head, I walked back inside.
The party had numbed and now there was nothing but sleeping drunk bodies and a house party remix playing that somebody had turned to a soft hum. A sea of empty cups and lost items scattered my parents home. Muted reds and yellows flowed over the horizon, creating an orange glow in the living room as I made my best effort to tidy the clutter and vomit stains my guests had generously left behind. My head was buzzing softly, Dan was a distant memory that made it feel like the kiss was decades ago.

I hated the way he made me feel. The way his eyes would oscillate with burnt sienna shades that matched his different stages of emotion made my chest stricken. His lips were a soft pink hue, toned with his pale skin. He looked like how you feel after the warm buzz of a kiss with somebody you had forgotten your great affection for and I despised him for it.

I think i like this chapter
-holly