the love club

x

Phil

"You're a homo?"
The remaining crowd was silent. It was only Dan, Lucy, Pj, Chris and an abundance of selected few students but it felt like the whole world had heard Chris' question. My stomach was twisting, as if all my anxieties had gripped it tightly and was tying all my insides into a knot.
No words really came out of my mouth. I wanted the floor to swallow me whole.
"I'm leaving." Chris announced, my heart dropping into my stomach.
"Chris," My voice cracked, a few tears forming in my eyes. "Chris, don't do this to me."
I looked at Pj, who refused to make eye contact with me which seemed more of a resultant from guilt over anger.
"Please, you're my best friends." I wanted to yell and scream. I wished that time would reverse to where I just kept driving past Dan because none of this would be happening if I wasn't such an idiot.
"Please don't go."

"I'm sorry Phil," Dan placed his small hand on my shoulder as I turned around to face him.
"Are you okay?" I whispered, wiping tears from my eyes. He nodded, shrugging weakly before hugging me.
"Guys," Lucy started awkwardly. "We have to go before the janitor reports us for trespassing."
I followed Dan outside, trailing his footsteps with my eyes so I didn't have to look up.

"You didn't have to do any of that," Dan stated as we neared Lucy's car. He stood close to me, his copper stained eyes gazing up into mine. "I'm so sorry this is happening to you."

Lucy offered me a ride as I was supposed to be catching one with Chris, but I just decided to walk home. It was getting late and I knew mom would be asking about me, but I wasn't bothered by any of that right now. I didn't even try to figure it all out in my head. For the first time in history, I just accepted it. When I was 15, I watched hours of coming out videos. None of them went the way my coming out situation did. It made me feel alienated, like the world was confronting me about being abnormal.

When Dan was a freshman, when I met him, he was openly gay, even at 15. Chris and I would tease him for it. Chris did it because I did it, and I did it because I was just as insecure about my homosexuality as I am today.

"Where the hell have you been?"
I didn't enjoy being yelled at by my Dad as soon as I walked in the door, but I guess I deserved every bit of it.
"Sorry Dad, I was helping a friend."
"Chris dropped around."
My stomach twisted, my heart thumping with anxiety.
"He wanted to know if you were okay, but I said you weren't home yet. What's going on Phil?" His toned softened, which was atypical but strangely comforting. "You come home with bruises all over your face, you're home late. Is everything okay?"

Thankfully, my Mom called for dinner so I didn't have to face any more questions of interest and unconvincing sympathy.
We ate in an uncomfortable silence, scraping forks and knives echoing and bouncing off of the walls.

"What's going on with Phil?"
My dad wasn't the quietest person in the world, so I could usually hear him and my mom talking during the night when I was in bed.
"I'm not sure, maybe he's having problems at school."
"Oh okay."

this chapter is short and bad but i havent updated in a while. i wrote this ages ago and its kind of a filler chapter.
i hope everyone had a great Christmas, hanukah or day if you dont celebrate any of those holidays 💕
happy new years too, i hope everybody had a wonderful 2015 and an even better 2016 💫
i love u all 🌻
-holly