my happy little pill | phan

16: What's That Sound? Oh, It's Just The Phandom Drowning In Their Own Tears

Dan's POV

"Dan?"

I could hear their voices calling after me, some even yelling. It's amazes me how much they're pretending to care just so they can pull me out of the water and let me suffer on earth as I walk through my fuck-up of a life for another day. I can't do it. I just won't do it.

They don't care. I know how selfish that must sound, but really I know they don't. Besides, everyone enjoys a good funeral, right? There's always cake afterwards, and nice tea.

I submerge my head beneath the water again, this time sucking the water into my lungs. My body rejects the water at first, and my lungs feel as if they've caught fire. Oh, God, it fucking hurts. But it feels good. It's a pain that I've been lusting after for months. It's fucking beautiful.

"Dan, please!" a desperate cry bursts through my thoughts. Phil. For a split second, my mind wavers and considers floating back to the top of the water to be with Phil but I quickly snap myself out of it. Focus, Dan. This is your only opportunity to get out because there is absolutely no way in hell that you could ever do this again if you float back to the surface of the water for air. They will grab you and pull you out and watch you so closely for the rest of your life that you will never be able to have the freedom to escape again. Ever.

My vision grows hazy and the overhead shouts begin to dim. I'm so numb that the burning sensation in my lungs is now a dull ache. Black dots dance around the edges of my vision. This can only mean one thing; the end is near.

"For fuck sake, Dan!" I hear a demented cry and something splashes in front of me, clawing at me, wrestling my arms together. I try to fight whatever it is, but I really can't. My limbs are deadweight and my muscle refuse to operate.

I force myself to breathe in more water and I feel so sick, so sick. I stare into the bubbles of water around me as the water washes my thoughts away.

But even though my body feels numb to the core, there is no mistaking the pair of electric blue eyes piercing into me, staring at me face and screaming at me. It's almost like he's frozen in time with his lips parted and his arms at angles above his head, slowly stretching towards me. It is Phil. Phil, the only person that I can find any strength to care about. Phil, who is screaming so loud that I can hear him beneath the water, who is crying so hard that I can see his tears. Phil, who jumped into the water to try and save whatever is left of me.

Phil, who I don't want to hurt but it's too late. I'm already slipping away with no goodbye other than the stupid angry note I wrote two weeks ago. Phil, who was never meant to be a part of this. Who I'm leaving behind. His violent shock of blue eyes burn into my soul. I never thought I'd say this but;

I'm sorry.

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Hey guys! I don't really write Author's Notes at the end of chapters (unless a chapter includes a trigger warning), and don't worry I'm not going to write an A/N after every single chapter, but I just want to say thank you to everybody who has read it so far and I really appreciate the reads. Please don't forget to vote and comment on the chapters that you like because your feedback is always important to me.

ILYASM x