A Fresh Start-After Mockingjay (Before the Epilogue)

Chapter Fourteen

Katniss POV-

When I open my eyes, I realize that I slept the entire night for the first time in a year. I'm quite proud of myself until I realize the only reason I didn't wake from nightmares was because I fell asleep with Peeta on his couch. I slowly remove his arms from around my waist and my head begins to spin as I try to recall how this happened. I quickly sneak out the front door and run over to my house where I am greeted by Buttercup. He runs inside as soon as I walk in and starts mewing for food. "Hold on, you stupid cat!" I say, my heart racing.

How could I have allowed us to fall asleep like that? Friends don't sleep together, or at least not like that. It's going to ruin everything. It's going to confuse me further and probably lead Peeta into confusion too and that's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to put myself in a position to hurt him ever again. Maybe this is a sign that me moving in with him is a step in the wrong direction?

"Damn it." I mumble to myself as I walk back to the pantry and Buttercup follows, mewing loudly at me. "Shut up." I say as I frantically search through the pantry for his food. I search through the old food and molded bread Peeta made us over a year ago and some of my mother's apothecary things she left behind too. Finally, I find Buttercup's food supply, where it's been since they delivered us both back here, he's running low. I scoop him out some food into his dish and thankfully, that shuts him up.

I glance out the window to see Peeta is awake and is outside his house, talking to Haymitch who's feeding his geese and already sipping on a bottle of white liquor. My heart races more as I know he's about to come over here, probably to ask why I slipped away this morning. The door is unlocked so I run upstairs, trying to make it seem as if I'm going through some stuff, eager to move in. But in all reality, I'm ashamed of the way I fell asleep in his arms last night.

A few minutes later, my heart has settled down and I hear Peeta knocking on the door. A few seconds later, I hear him come inside. "Katniss?" Peeta calls from downstairs.

I freeze. "I'm upstairs!" I call to him. A few seconds later, I hear his heavy footsteps coming up the creaky staircase and he enters my bedroom. "Oh, hey." I say, trying to be nonchalant.

Peeta walks in further, his hair messy from sleep and his eyes tired but no doubt, they look more rested than they have a long while. I know mine must look better rested too. "Hi." He says slowly. I throw clothes on the bed and he watches me. "Are you alright?" He asks suspiciously.

"I'm perfectly fine. Just eager to get moving." I say.

Peeta sighs, "Katniss, you're shaky and frantic. What's going on?" He asks me. I shake my head and swiftly take an armful of clothes and lay them on my bed in a frantic matter, I'm jittery so he knows something is up. "Is it about what happened last night?"

I shake my head, "What are you talking about?" I ask him, trying to sound clueless.

"It is. I'm sorry that I stayed there. I should've just went and put you in my bed and stayed in another room. I shouldn't have stayed there after you fell asleep." He says guiltily. I turn around and he grabs my arms, stopping my repetitive motions. "That's why you're like this?" He asks.

I shake my head, "I'm just nervous."

"About what?" He asks frowning.

I sigh, "Moving." I lie.

"Why?"

I swallow hard, "You know I don't do good with change."

"I agree with that but you know you don't have to move if you don't want to." He reminds me again.

"I know but I want to."

Peeta sighs, "If moving is going to make you this anxious, maybe it's not a good idea?" He says.

"It's not that." I say, falling for his trap.

He smirks, "Then what is it?" He says, letting me go.

"I'm just afraid that we will move too quickly into how things were before, like when we were together since that's all we know. Then we won't have enough time to be friends, which I really want to be." I say, my voice soft and shaky. I don't want to hurt his feelings.

"Katniss, you know that I'm never going to make you do something that you're uncomfortable with. And that goes for any situation, not just this." Peeta says apologetically. I stare at the ground. "Katniss?"

"But I do want to live with you."

Peeta sighs and I look up at him. "I know that I was apart of forcing you into a relationship you didn't want to be in. I'm so sorry but I promise I will never do that to you again. I reaped what I sowed." Peeta starts. I feel tears start streaming down my cheeks, frustrated. He just doesn't get it and he's right, he learned his lesson only because I hurt him. What he doesn't know is that I was never completely faking it. There were so many moments between us that confirmed my feelings for him and moments that were brought on by real feelings. The many moments that I wanted to close the shutters on the cameras because it was no ones business what I was feeling but my own. And now, how could he ever believe that I really love him after all the things that I said and did? "I should have never forced you into acting in love with me when you weren't."

"You didn't force me into anything, Peeta. I was the one who looked for you after they said there could be two Victors." I remind him. But again, that was after the shock of Rue's theory that he had actually been protecting me since the Games began. That was the only reason he was with the Careers was to lure them away from me, which was later confirmed to be true. "And I was the one who kissed you all those times." I say.

Peeta sighs deeply, "Some days, I wonder if telling the world about my crush on you was a huge mistake. It was cowardly of me to tell the world before I could tell you in person but I wasn't expecting to have to deal with the consequences. I know you've never felt the same way about me as I do about you but I would do it again if it meant we got the same outcome. For what it's worth, even though I knew your actions weren't genuine, it was the best thing I've ever felt. Getting a taste of being with the girl of my dreams." I close my eyes, wishing to disappear so that I didn't have to have this conversation with him. By avoiding figuring out what I truly want and feel with Peeta, I've just confused us both more. "I just think that if you're not forced into something you don't want this time, if you do it because you want to. Things would work out better for everyone. And I won't be upset with whatever you choose. I just want you to be happy." Peeta tells me steadily.

"I want to come live with you. That is what's going to make me happy." I say softly.

"Okay." Peeta says simply.

I nod, "Did you tell Haymitch our plans?" I ask him.

Peeta laughs a little, "No, I'm pretty sure he called it happening eventually though."

I sigh, "Yeah. Hey, you want to know something shocking?"

"What?" Peeta asks.

I walk closer to him, knowing that this is definitely not something friends would do, but Haymitch and Effiie got away with it and I've been dying to tell Peeta. "I'm Haymitch and you're Effie. Alright?" I say.

"Alright. You're Haymitch and I'm Effie." Peeta says awkwardly, smiling like an idiot. For dramatic effect, I walk a circle around him before I lean in and press a kiss to his cheek. His smile drops and he stares at me, so confused. Then, I lean forward and press a kiss to his lips. I try not to let this stir anything in my chest and the simple thought of Haymitch and Effie is enough to halt anything romantic about this kiss. Peeta starts laughing, "I'm confused. What was that?"

"That's what Haymitch did to Effie before we left to come home." I state and the sudden shock on Peeta's face makes me burst into laughter.

"You're serious?"

"Yes. Haymitch didn't want me to tell you but I couldn't keep it from you any longer."

Peeta's eyes grow wide. "I thought that they hated each other?" He laughs.

"Apparently it's a love-hate relationship?" I shrug.

"As are most of Haymitch's relationships but that is insane." Peeta says in disbelief.

I laugh, "Haymitch tried to deny it but I watched it happen. I'll pay you big to tease him about it. I tried but he knows me too well for it to even be funny."

Peeta smiles widely at me, shaking his head.