A Fresh Start-After Mockingjay (Before the Epilogue)

Chapter Two

Katniss POV- (A few hours later)

My heart races as I hear someone fumble with the lock on my front door but then I remember it must be Greasy Sae coming in to cook. She enters the kitchen and turns on the light. Her granddaughter runs off to play with the ball of yarn that was my mother's. The one I gave her but Sae refuses to take. "Sorry I couldn't make it back over last night. I trust that Peeta kept you fed?"

I nod my head, avoiding her eyes. "I see you showered. Changed your clothes and fixed your hair. You look nice." She says at an awful attempt to make small talk.

"Thank you." I say softly. Sae goes on with her usual business. When she brings down my clothes from the Capitol, taking them to wash, I stop her. "No, don't bother. Let me see them." I tell her and begin to feed the stack of clothes to the fire.

"You should probably trim those nails. Haymitch said he got to visit you this morning and he was terrified you'd try and claw his eyes out again." She says, handing me a pair of clippers that the preps left behind in their last visit. I feel the hint of a smirk on my face. "He thinks you're doing better." She says.

"Oh yeah?" I shrug my shoulders and begin to clip away at my jagged finger nails. I'm surprised they're as long as they are. I've barley been able to stop myself from biting them since I arrived.

"How was your visit with the boy?" She asks, setting a plateful of eggs and toast in front of me.

"It was alright." I say, downing my food fast, hoping the sooner that I do this, the sooner she will leave me be. Then, I ask her a question that's been burning on my mind since I returned. "Where did Gale go?"

"District Two. Got some fancy job there. I see him now and again on the television." She says.

I dig around inside of myself, trying to register anger, hatred, longing.

I only find relief.

"I'm going hunting today." I decide.

"Well, I wouldn't mind having fresh game." She tells me.

I arm myself with the bow and arrows that I found in the box of my belongings brought back from District 13. I throw my father's hunting jacket on and I head for the Meadow, not prepared for what I find on the way. Citizens that have returned are sifting through the remains and I see a dead body cart in front of the mayor's house. Thom is leading the search. "Did they find anyone in there?" I ask, hopeful that by some miracle, there is a chance that my friend is still alive.

"The whole family. And the two people who worked for them." He tells me.

Madge. Quiet and kind and brave. The girl who gave me the pin that gave me a name, that made me mean something to the world. She's sure to haunt my dreams tonight. "I just thought maybe, since he was the mayor..."

"I don't think being the mayor of Twelve put the odds in his favor." Says Thom.

With that, I keep moving, careful not to look in the back of the cart. All through the town, it's the same. The reaping of the dead. The Meadow is gone. A mass grave has been dug and they're lining it with the bones of my people. Of my friends. I dive into the woods at my usual place, although it doesn't matter. The fence isn't charged anymore and it's been put back up to keep out predators, to truly keep out predators. I get the urge to go to the lake but I'm so weak that I barely make it to my meeting place with Gale. I sit down on the rock but it's too wide without his body beside me. I miss my old hunting partner. I miss my best friend. But I have to keep reminding myself that Gale is in District Two now, with a real job, probably kissing another pair of lips.

By the time I make it back to the fence, I'm so sick and dizzy, Thom has to give me a ride home in the dead body cart. He helps me to the couch in the living room. After hours of watching the dust in the afternoon sun, Buttercup jumps up next to me.

He showed up here a few weeks back, weak and skinny. Something obviously attacked him, yet he made it back with only a few claw marks and a hurt paw. My guess is that he came all the way from District 13 to look for her. "I keep telling you it was a waste of trip. She's still not here." He hisses at me. "You can hiss all you want. You won't find Prim." I assure him. His ears still perk up at the sound of her name and it infuriates me that he can't get it through his head that she's gone. But I can't blame him, some days I can't get it through my own head. I push him off of me, "Get out!" I tell him. "There's nothing left for you here! She's dead! She's dead, you stupid cat!" I scream, my throat raw as sobs escape. He begins to cry too. No matter what I do or how much I yell or throw at him, he won't leave me. Just as I drift out of consciousness, he does the unthinkable. I wake up with him snuggled into my side, guarding me from the darkness. When I see him, I lose it all over again and he does too.

I get up, finding the letter my mother sent with Haymitch under the stack of letters piled on the mantel. I find her new phone number inside and I call.

"Hello?" She says softly.

"Mom?" I croak out, unsure if this was a good idea but I've got to speak to someone about how I'm feeling. I would much rather speak to her over anyone else because she's suffered the same losses.

There's silence lingering in the air before I hear her burst into tears, "Katniss, I miss you so much."

"Why didn't you come home?" I ask her angrily.

"I couldn't. You know I couldn't. I wouldn't have been any use to you as a mother anyways. You wouldn't have allowed it." She tells me. She's right. Up until today, she's the last person I want to baby me around. "You can care for yourself just fine."

"Mom, I miss her so much." I sob.

"I miss all of you. My beautiful family. How are you holding up otherwise?" She asks, trying to steer clear of further discussing our losses but that's all I can seem to focus on.

I swallow hard, "Better than any murderer should be."

"You're not a murderer, Katniss."

"Yes, I am. I killed so many people. Maybe not directly but I did my fair share of that too."

My mother sighs, "Maybe but until Coin, your heart was always in the right place."

"My heart was in the right place when I killed Coin, Mom. I did it for Prim."

"What do you mean?" She asks me, obviously afraid to know the truth.

I wipe my nose on my sleeve, "Coin, she's the one that called for the parachutes to be dropped. She's the one that allowed a thirteen year old onto the battlefield."

"I had no idea."

"It was Gale's design." I croak out, knowing now that this information will forever change how she sees him too.

My mother lets out a horrified sigh, "He mustn't have had any idea the bombs would be used on children. On Prim. She was his little sister too." She defends.

"I know."

"I am so sorry, baby. I know how much Gale meant to you too." She tells me softly.

"I guess we weren't meant to be. As best friends or anything else but I don't hate him for it. I just wish he was here now. I could really use a friend."

"He's not in Twelve?"

"No. He's in Two with a fancy job but I'm happy for him."

"And Peeta?"

My heart sinks at the sound of his voice, "Peeta came home yesterday."

"How was your reunion?"

"Fine. I found him planting primroses by the house. For her." I tell my mother, my voice shaky.

"Oh, Katniss. That is wonderful news. Is he back to himself?"

"Somewhat. I had dinner with him last night and we agreed to start over." I explain.

"That's great. I think that's smart of you both." She tells me hopefully.

"Yeah, except it's not going to work. Us being friends."

"Why not?"

"He still loves me and I...Well, I still don't know how I feel about him." I admit to her, revealing more of my feelings than I ever have to her.