A Reason to Stay

chapter two

Payton's days and nights were lonely. She found more than enough chores to keep her busy. Taking care of the animals and children was taxing. She found it was best to spend all day working, it made her nights easier. She fell to sleep as soon as she fell into the bed. On Sunday morning she debated weather to go to church or not and decided if she didn't show up she was sure to have a host of visitors over the next week. She decided she would go but leave as soon as it was over. After struggling with the wagon for over an hour she gave up. She couldn't figure out how to hitch up the mules to the wagon. Exhausted, sweaty and sore she retired to the house. The children were both crying when she entered the cabin. Both were wet and cranky.

Payton realized for the first time she couldn't do this alone. She couldn't do everything. She couldn't work the farm; She couldn't haul water to the crops; She couldn't hoe the garden and feed the animals. She couldn't put up canned goods and kill meat for the smoke house. Payton sat down in the floor and started to cry. She couldn't hitch the wagon. She was so tired she didn't even know if she could take care of the children and here she was about to bring another tiny soul into this world. She didn't know what she would do if the goat quit making milk or what she was going to feed the children when the root cellar became empty. (Which wouldn't be long.) The loan at the bank was due in the fall when the crops should be harvested but she wasn't going to have anything to harvest to pay off the loan and then she and the children would be out on their own.

Utter despair crept over her. She was alone here in this place she had called home for four years. Thomas had left her even though he had promised he never would. When he moved her here to the south of Arkansas he had promised that together they would make a home and family. Now she was doing it all alone. She had no one and she was too poor to go back home. Deep retching sobs over took her body. The children were crying with her. She gathered them in her arms and they all three cried.

Joshua rode into the yard and noticed the wagon stood alone. He could see that she had attempted to harness the buggy. Two brown mules stood tethered to the hitching post. Joshua moved across the farm yard and halted at the door. He could hear both mother and children crying. He didn't want to open the door and intrude on the woman's private moment of grief. Instead he knocked rather loudly on the door. “Mrs. McGraw?” he called loudly, “It's Joshua Owens." He paused just a second, "Doris sent me over, to make sure you and the children were making it along...” When she didn't answer the door he continued, "She thought you might need a little help hitching your wagon for church services?!" He turned and looked a the wagon again and rubbed his chin. He turned back to the door. He could here her moving around in the cabin now. "I can help you with that." He said just as the door swung open.

Payton felt so silly, sitting here on the floor crying louder than her babies. Quickly she jumped up and smoothed her skirt and tried to beat the dust from the back. She lifted both children into her arms. Tommy settled on her hip and Hannah on her shoulder. Payton made sure her nose was clean and her eyes clear. She knew she would look a fright. “I'm sorry, Mr. Owens. I was just taking care of the children. I haven't finished hitching the wagon....”

Joshua knew she was trying to keep a shred of dignity. “I see.” he told her, “I don't know much about babies but I do know how to hitch up a wagon. How about I hitch your wagon whilest you finish tending to them babies.” He suggested with a smile.

Payton felt a fresh wave of tears and then anger at herself and this man and Doris. “I can do it myself!” she said defiently.

Joshua stepped back and held his hands up, “I only mean to help, ma'am.”

Payton nodded, realizing how foolish she was being. She did need help even if she wasn't willing to admit it to herself.  “I'm sorry, Mr. Owens, I've never hitched a wagon much less halted a horse.” Tears sprung to her eyes. “I'm so tired! I've been workin' my fingers to the bone all week and nothings changed. Instead everything is getting worse. The fields is drying up! My garden is bein' overtaken by weeds. I ain't got much in my root cellar or smoke house.... I just can't do this.” She finally said on a heavy sigh.